Category Archives: The Internet

It’s Not Fair, Lily Allen

Lily Allen’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it singing career is over, apparently – and it’s her choice. In a post on her now removed blog about file-sharing/piracy/illegal downloading/we’re all evil and should be punished , she stated:
Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record. I do, however, remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade.

Well, okay – what she’s actually saying is that she’s currently not about to record a new album. That doesn’t mean she isn’t going to. I currently have no plans have a snack, juggle knives, stop trying to stay awake, or star in a big-budget Hollywood movie. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to do any of these things at some point in my life…year…day.

More amusingly, however, are reasons why her blog on illegal downloading has disappeared. Not only was some of the content lifted (or rather, just not properly attributed, as she later claimed) from elsewhere (Techdirt), and not only did it feature “illegal” scans of newspaper articles, but her website contains – or did contain – “mixtapes” made by her a few years ago, featuring snippets of music, used without permission, of course, from other artists.

Oops. I really don’t agree with her stance on illegal file sharing for various reasons, but I suppose she should be commended for taking a stance on something she, supposedly, is strongly against. But maybe she should have thought “it” (her blog; being so vocal on the matter) through a  little more. Especially because, as a young singer that’s only been a popular artist for the last few years, she’s bound to have got where she is today by people illegally downloading her music and getting to find out who she is.

Plus, if you get someone like Lily Allen banging on about illegal music downloading on a makeshift blog, you just know everyone’s going to jump on it and try and catch her out in any way possible. Which they did. Ooops.

Revisiting Goop

Back in whenever, I blogged about Gwyneth Paltrow’s new website, Goop. Back then, it was literally just a page with some pretty icons and a brief paragraph by Gwynnie. Well, turns out the sly little minx has actually been doing some work on the site…damn her! How dare she actually add content! You’re going to get a bad name around us website owners, missy.

Anyways, Gwyn has this week presented a detox diet for us to follow. Why? Well, in her own words:

It is that time of year, folks. I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess.

Yeah right, holiday excess? She ate two slices of wholegrain, low calorie, low fat, low sodium, low sugar, low taste, low coloured, non-existant toast over the Christmas period? I can’t possibly imagine that she actually gorged on chocolates and mince pies and cake and drank so much champagne on Christmas Day that she was already passed out by the time the Queen’s speech came on.

Anyways, the answer to losing these pounds is to detox. And Gwyneth has helpfully supplied us with a detox diet that she’ll be using, so we can follow it too! Here’s day one from the detox:

7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Blueberry and Almond Smoothie
11:30am: Coconut water*
1:30pm (lunch): Salad with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): A handful of mixed pumpkin and sunflower seeds
6pm (dinner): Broccoli and Arugula Soup
*Make sure that the coconut water has no added sugar. Fresh is ideal but the brands Zico or Vita Coco are readily available.

Okay, if I rise at 7am and don’t have breakfast til 10, several people will be stabbed in the ear during those hours. And then if all I get the rest of the day is salad and soup, well…puppies and kittens will be smushed together and burned.

Oh, just to point out – that tip about no added sugar in the coconut water? That’s not for health reasons. It’s because Chris Martin is fueled on that same sugar, so the more we consume…they less there will be of him. Think about that for a minute.

Below is what actual goop looks like. Maybe Gwyneth could add this to the detox plan?

Goopy goo
Goopy goo

Greatest Puzzles of the 21st Century – Part 5

What on earth is the point of Channel 4’s “Rude Tube” programme? The kind of audience this show is aimed entirely at…are people who have the Internet and will have already seen all of the “Internet’s finest moments”. (Channel 4’s words, not mine.) And, AND given that these are all Internet clips and therefore filmed with cameras of (usually) rather poor quality, showing them on telly is going to make every video look like it’s been filmed in a snowstorm.

AND very few of the clips are actually particularly rude, so what’s with the name?

AND it’s fronted by Alex “failed at Popworld” Zane who is beyond irritating.

Sheesh. Let’s calm ourselves by watching the talking cats:


*goops* Oh, pardon me.


Gwyneth Paltrow has a new website. Yay, high five, awesome, way cool!

It’s called Goop.

Yay, high five, aweso…

Wait, what?

“Goop by Gwyneth Paltrow” (tagline: nourish the inner aspect) is so new that, well, there’s not much to it. There’s different sections like ‘Make’, ‘Go’, ‘Get’ but clicking on any of them just takes you a little blurb by Gwyneth about how she’s going to share all the really cool things in her life.

I guess this is a posh way of having a “Site Under Construction” banner on display. Seriously, girl – get the site finished first, then launch it!

What’s the website about? Well, she’s apparently tried lots of things and made lots of mistakes. But figured lots of things out in the process that she wants to share with us. Hmmm, kind of hate it already…right?

But really, “GOOP”?? That’s the best they could come up with as a name? For a while I thought that might be her initials, like her full name is Gwyneth Olivia Ostrich Paltrow or something. But I IMDB-ed Gwyneth and her middle name is Kate. Oh.

“Goop” also sounds like some kind of bodily function, or something a baby would do. Or both.

P.S. Wouldn’t Ostrich be an awesome name to have?!

Ma, how does this thing called Facebook work?

BBC News reports that Aaron Sorkin, creator of TV drama The West Wing, is due to make a film about the founders of Facebook. As part of Aaron’s exciting preparations for the movie, BBC News reports that he has

even opened a Facebook account to aid his research

Now, that’s not exactly going above and beyond, is it? He’s taken two minutes (three, if he’s especially computer illiterate) out of his day to set up a Facebook page. No so impressive, Aaron!

I want to see some proper research going on. I want to see Aaron Sorkin spend every waking minute of every day from now on updating his profile, adding new photos, tagging people, “find out” what his exes are doing, changing his status (“Aaron has writer’s block, LOL!”), playing Scrabulous…er, scratch that, playing “What Would Be Your Stripper Name?”… I want him to set up his own, completely new, social networking site and grow it into a 100 million user plus website. I want to see him kidnap the actual founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, assume his identity and start living his life for him. I WANT SOME PROPER RESEARCH, I tell you!