Tonight is the final of Britain’s Got Talent. I’m not going to be watching – why would I? I have a life. Actually, that’s not true. But I am booked in to watch paint dry for a few hours this evening.
The finalists include an older lady that sings really well; a younger girl that sings really well; a young boy that sings really well; a dance act; another dance act; a poodle that sings really well; a badger acrobatic troupe; and a man that stands on two legs for over 30 seconds. Or something.
But what is the point of this show? It’s not to showcase the “talent” that Britain actually has. It’s not to discover the next singing sensation. It’s not even to bring a little light entertainment into our lives. It’s just to line the pockets of Simon Cowell even further. I hear that he needs a second £20 million LA mansion to house all of his trousers – well, they are double height, an ordinary closet just won’t do.
For God’s sake, people of Britain, STOP! Just stop encouraging this man!
Although there is a way he might have some use. I propose another reality TV programme starring him – Destroying Simon Cowell. I don’t mean actually getting rid of him, I just mean making him stop giving us all of these pathetic talent and singing shows, that really only interest complete numpties. Oh, and destroying him in a financial and business sense. I mean, he’s the guy that’s brought us the utter shit that is Sinitta, Robson & Jerome and Zig & Zag, on top of all his TV show nonsense. Not to mention a smug face that only a mother wouldn’t want to punch.
So: Destroying Simon Cowell – One Man. Millions of pounds. It’s up to you to make him bankrupt.