Category Archives: Kate Moss

Kate Moss

The Mystery of Kate Moss’s “Party”

It was Kate Moss’s birthday last week. She turned 51. Happy Birthday Kate!

Birthday Girl Kate
Birthday Girl Kate

Kate Moss, as well all know, is one of the very few people in the world to have a birthday. Of those, she’s the only one that celebrates with something called a “party”. I’m not entirely sure what this “party” is, but according to what I’ve seen in the press it seems to involve people that she knows and is related to, as well as the obligatory ugly boyfriend, gathering together. These people dress up in nice clothes, and make merry throughout the evening. They listen to music. They drink booze. They do, er, other stuff. Wow, this “party” thing sounds like fun!

Suspiciously, though – this big bash took place at Kate’s house over the weekend. We had plenty of photos last week of drink and decorations and a dead pig (seriously; for a hog roast) being taken into her house, pre-party. But not one photo or article has appeared in the papers yesterday or today, showing us or telling us what went on. Most years there has been plenty of post-party pics – including ones of drunk female guests (hello, Sadie Frost!) flashing their boobs (accidentally…probably).

But nada this year. What happened?! Are the guests alive?

Weird, huh?

Screw the economic crisis, what about our poor celebrities?!

So the City’s in turmoil, our banks are all in the shitter and none of us can afford to buy anything even at Aldi. But spare a thought for a group of people that are having an even tougher time than most. That’s right – celebrities. You thought you had it bad? Read on, my friend…

A self-potrait by Kate Moss – drawn in lipstick – only reached £33,600 at auction over the weekend. The expertly painted masterpiece, which shows off her true talent (let’s face it, modelling is just a stop-gap for her) was expected to fetch over £40,000. Oh, Kate, how will you ever survive?

Another painting in the same auction, painted by Pete Doherty in blood, failed to sell at all. I really can’t imagine why – Pete is an absolute legend, and blood is such a interesting material to paint with. Having something like that hanging up in your living room would be amazingly inspiring, I should think.

Maybe someone should set up a charity to raise funds for celebrities in need? Us ordinary plebs could take over a night of TV and put on wacky sketches and sing pop songs. All to give something back to the people that need it most.

Kate Moss – where would famous people be without her?

Lily Allen swapped her normally-dark do for blonde recently, at the advice of Kate Moss. Here’s the result:

Lily Allen

Kate Moss is indeed a good friend to have, and clearly gives great advice. For apparently, Lily was unsure of what to do with her hair:

“Lily was asking Kate what colour she should dye her hair and they came up with blonde”.  

Amazing! No doubt, Kelly Osbourne will next ask Kate what to wear for an upcoming awards do, and Kate will suggest “clothes”; Amy Winehouse will ask Kate what to eat so she puts on a bit of weight, to which the answer will be “food”; and Sadie Frost will ask what her next career step should be, to which Kate will reply “bag yourself a toyboy, have more kids, act all pretend-boho and just generally do nothing of note.”