Yesterday’s episode of The Apprentice saw the remaining five contestants each go through “the interview process from hell” (assuming that hell would be a continuous loop of people in glass rooms telling you you’re crap – “You were the first person to walk on the moon? That’s not very ambitious. The moon’s very close to Earth. Why didn’t you try achieve something more, perhaps going to Mars? You strike me as a very unambitious person, I don’t think you’re what Sir Alan is looking for”).

Each contestant also provided personal references along with their CV. Sour-faced Debra Barr (she’s only 23! Maybe she’ll learn to smile when she’s 24) had amongst the most amusing references of any of them – mainly involving her colleagues telling her she’s incompetent and a bitch.

Debra tried to defend herself along the usual lines of people-call-me-a-bitch-because-I’m-a-woman-who’s-successful. Interviewer Karren Brady shot back, saying “I’m a successful woman in business…no one calls me a bitch”. REALLY, Karren? I had always got the impression that people regularly called you a bitch. I must be thinking of that other female CEO of a football club, you know the one…

Maybe she is right. Maybe no one calls her a bitch. Except herself, that is. In an interview with the Telegraph way back in 2000, she says:

Oh, I know people have got this image of me as a hard bitch. It’s unfortunate really. There’s this philosophy you should be seen but not heard.

Still, if you want something doing right, you’ve got to do it yourself, eh?

The Apprentice starts next week!! Oh wait, sorry…

THE APPRENTICE STARTS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the best shows on TV – right up there with Come Dine With Me and Freaky Eaters – starts its fifth series next Wednesday, 25th March at 9pm on BBC1.

Today the sixteen contestants were revealed. Last year I blogged a guide to each one of them. This year, I can’t be bothered. Well, at the moment, anyway, so take a look here to see them all – BBC – The Apprentice and below:

Also announced today is that one of the contestants will quit the show before the first task even commences. Accordingly to cuddly Sir Alan, this male contestant suddenly realised that he’d (possibly) be away from his family for 12 weeks, and could no longer go through with participating on the show. Kind of weak, really. Perhaps the producers could introduce a new first task: making sure that everyone realises they are actually participating in The Apprentice and will have to do, like, things for it and that it’s reasonably tough and people might be mean to them, and that if they have other commitments or job offers or can’t figure out child care (like Katie Hopkins in series 3) then maybe they shouldn’t actually take part? Problem is, that might wipe out three quarters of the contestants and make for a really short season. Oh well.

Eight days and counting til the first “You’re Fired”!

I’d say wooooooo!! YES!! But Sir Alan wouldn’t like it…

• BBC News: Sir Alan apprentice ‘bottles it’