I’m assuming that you want to know what happens, or already do know…if not, don’t carry on reading!

So, we met the contestants. We gawped at the house. We saw Sir Alan with his lovely tan. The teams chose their names: boys – Certus (later rubbished by Sir Alan as it was already the name of a company one of the boys worked for!); girls – Stealth. Team leaders were chosen: girls – Jadine and boys – Andy. I’ve never seen a more unwillingly chosen leader! No one wanted to step forward the lead the boys’ team, which is unusual in itself…in the first few tasks you always get some big-headed one jumping up and down to be able to be manager. The boys voted for Andy, who still tried to pass leadership over, before being outruled.

Next day, teams are summoned to the Isle of Dogs. Alan ups  the ante on Donald Trump, and finally turns up in a helicopter. And nearly sweeps half his contestants away. Then announces the coffee-selling task, and swaps the team leaders so Andy manages the girls, Jadine manages the boys. Clever!

Andy ends up being too nice a guy, and not one for making decisions. Jadine gets stroppy with the boys. The girls buy too much coffee and milk stock. The boys can barely buy it in the first place, and buy the wrong type of coffee. The girls mobile unit is a failure, parking up in the cheap-caff central that is Chapel Market. The boys do a roaring trade from their van. The girls do well in their stall, the boys less so from theirs. But the boys win overall!

Andy brings Sophie (purchasing error) and Gerri (location error) back into the boardroom. But he is fired for ultimately not managing well enough. Before a final plea to Sir Alan (after the “You’re Fired!, Andy asks Sir Alan if anything will change his mind…well no, he’s already said the final word!), he’s off out the door with his suitcase.

With only two days to go to the new series of the Apprentice, let’s take a look at one of the highlights of last year’s show, shall we? In the estate agent task (where contestants had to sign up as many new tenants as possible in a day) wide-boy Syed arranges to meet an applicant at Wandsworth Bridge. Simple enough, eh? A big landmark like that, should be fairly easy for everyone to find? Except Syed mistakes an ordinary rail bridge over a road as the massive Thames-crossing that is Wandsworth Bridge. He then proceeds to stand around in the street aimlessly calling out the chap’s name. “Nicholas..? Nicholas?!” Even the usually neutral voice-over man has a go!

BBC – The Apprentice – Syed directs a client to Wandsworth Bridge

The News of the World reports that two of this year’s contestants have hooked up and that the relationship will not be kept under wraps on the show as it is broadcast. 31-year-old Katie Hopkins, a “global brand manager” and 27-year-old former Army Lieutenant Paul Callaghan apparently got together pretty early on in the filming of the series, and are even shown being given a ticking off by Sir Alan because of their affair.

Two of last year’s contestants, Syed Ahmed and eventual winner Michelle Dewberry, also got together during filming, but no reference to their relationship was ever made on the show. Word of their pairing did get out whilst the series was broadcast, but us viewers could only give knowing looks if their pair exchanged a quick pat on the back or a “special” glance.

I love it! Things are heating up already!

News of the World: Apprentice Pair Fired Up For Love

The third series of UK version of the The Apprentice starts next week (Wednesday 28th March) and yesterday the sixteen new contestants were revealed, amongst whom are the usual assortment of managers, a scientist, several single mothers and someone that used to employ Prince Will’s girlfriend Kate Middleton, but is now bankrupt (any connection?) and working as a waiter. Sir Alan Sugar used the launch of the new series to subtly criticise last year’s contestants:

 “There’s a lot of regrets about last year – maybe turning up was the biggest regret about it. I was somewhat disappointed with the calibre of the contestants we had in the second series.”

I’m not sure what he’s trying to say there, really… Perhaps he didn’t think they were any good? 

In related news, Series One winner Tim Campbell has left his job working for Sugar. He is to start his own business, and launch a trust which aims to give entrepreneurs (me! here! woo-hoo!) £1m a year.

BBC News – First Apprentice Winner Quits Job

Both the British and American versions of the show have their plus points, but are reasonably different. Alan Sugar is basically an East End boy made good and the UK version is pretty low-key in its tasks and prizes. Donald Trump likes to show off all his wealth in pretty much every episode, and arrives to all meetings in a helicopter and has task prizes like dining in his million-dollar penthouse with his model wife. He’s even got his contestants living in Trump Tower, and they travel to the boardroom several floors above by lift. In the UK, the boardroom is a set, and the fired contestant is filmed leaving a hotel somewhere. Try harder Sugar!