Category Archives: Music

Music

The 80s are back – true story

Popular beat combo Keane have unveiled their new song, Spiralling, and it’s a bit of a departure from their previous material. Scratch that – it’s a hell of a departure from their previous material. It sounds like a random mixture of every new wave band of the early 80s – part Psychedelic Furs, part David Bowie, part…all those other new wave bands…

Keane: The new Tears For Fears
Keane: The new Tears For Fears

The song is available to download for free (!) from Keane Music until Monday 11th August.

Or rather, it’s probably available to download from there. I’ve entered in my email to get the song sent to me and – 24 hours later – it hasn’t arrived. Why do you hate me so, band members of Keane? Is it because I spilt green paint on your pet rabbit in March 2006??

Greatest Puzzles of the 21st Century

From Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger – yeah, what is that on Joey’s head?

Take a look at the evidence. Here’s Chad, urging you to take a look at this photograph, because everytime he does it makes him laugh. (That’s a pretty lame reason for looking at a photograph, if you ask me.)

There you go, that’s Joey on the right. It looks like he’s got a beer keg on his head, although that seems a bit possible because surely his neck wouldn’t be able to support such a weight? Unless…it’s an empty beer keg? *gasps* Alternatively, it also kind of looks like he’s got a stack of those metallic cases used to store film reels.

Oh Joey, why do you do such crazy things?!

Wardrobe Malfunction Fine Malfunctions

This story really gets a Nelson-from-the-Simpsons style: ha ha!

CBS, broadcasters of the 2004 Superbowl during the half time of which Janet Jackson kind-of exposed her nipple, have had their fine thrown out by a US Appeal Court. The fine, of $550,000, was originally levied by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). According to the BBC News website:

The court said the FCC had traditionally fined broadcasters for indecent material only when it amounted to “shock treatment” for viewers.

In this case, the footage – lasting “nine-sixteenths of a second” – was too brief to merit such a penalty, it added.

Also according to the BBC, 90 million people saw the incident on TV. 90 million people seeing a nipple exposed for nine-sixteenths of a second?! This is mind-bogglingly shocking. This is also a little too much maths.

So, here’s some video of the incident. Be careful. This really might be the most shocking thing you ever see on the Internet, I’m warning you right now…

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOLbERWVR30]

Europe – How Could You Do This To Us???

Following on from my Eurovision post below, Sir Terry Wogan has announced that he may step down from commentating on the Eurovsion Song Contest. Terry, who as commentated on the Eurovision for the BBC since 1970, is protesting after the UK’s poor showing (again) and domination by Eastern European countries (again). He is quoted as saying:

I don’t want to be presiding over yet another debacle.

Do Europe realise what they’re doing to us? Half of the Eurovision fun is hearing Terry Wogan’s witty comments. The Queen clearly agrees with me – she gave Terry a knighthood for his services to the Eurovision Song Contest.* And you can tell he’s no stranger to the bottles of booze as the night goes on as there always comes a point when he babbles on and on. But fair play to him, who hasn’t downed a few Pinot Grigios one night in with friends in front of the telly and started to make what we think are the world’s wittiest comments.

But maybe the point is that Eurovision isn’t what it used to be. Nobody in Western Europe does well anymore, and the contest seems to be dominated by the Eastern European countries. There’s now so many countries participating that we need semi-finals. (43 countries took part overall.) There used to be a time when we used to tune in to see what our European neighbours would enter into the contest and laugh at their crazy interpretations of “pop music”. Nowadays we get entries produced by Timbaland. I think it all started going downhill when they got rid of the “here are the results of the UK jury” thing.

Oh Eurovision, I miss the proper “you”.

Here’s a great clip from 1981 from a show to decide the UK’s entry. Of course, it’s Bucks Fizz with Making Your Mind Up. And it’s even got Sir Terry at the beginning of the clip. I give you everything, I do.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pACePi441ds]

BBC News: Wogan ‘may quit Eurovision role’

*This may not be true

Eurovision Song Contest 2008

Saturday night saw the 53rd Eurovision Song Contest take place in Belgrade, Serbia. Dima Belan for Russia came out on top with his song Believe which got a massive 272 points. Take a look at the performance below – it’s got over-the-top emotion, a violinist AND and an ice-skater – what’s not to like? Oh, and it’s produced by Timbaland. Not that you’d especially notice, listening to the song. Timbaland’s producing everything these days. I think it’s all with the aim of GLOBAL DOMINATION. He’s like the bad guy in a James Bond movie – he’s planning to take over the world through music production.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bawnwSYOCFU]

Poor old Andy Abraham, representing the UK, came last with only 14 points. His song’s really not that bad, trust me. It’s all down to tactical voting in the Eurovision – and considering the UK has no friends in Europe, well, that means it gets no votes!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mhZXtm-j7Y]

Andy definitely didn’t deserve to come last. I mean come on! That awful Scooch song from last year (Flying The Flag) actually did better than he did – it came third from bottom.

Glastonbury 2008: Not quite as popular

Last year’s Glastonbury took TWO hours to sell out. Believe me, it’s true. I tried get a ticket, but just found myself stuck in an endless cycle of refreshing browser windows. It was so tough, I actually fell asleep.

Muddy Field
A muddy field: possibly Glastonbury

This year’s Glastonbury festival – held, as always, in June – doesn’t appear to be quite as popular. Tickets didn’t sell out when they went on sale on Sunday and today registration for the festival reopened. All attendees need to first register for tickets, including providing a photo, and then will they be allowed to buy the tickets themselves. (All  to do with beating the touts.)

Approximately 100,000 out of a possible 137,000 tickets sold on Sunday. I’ve just accessed both the registration site and the ticket site, and neither gives any indiciation that tickets are sold out. So now’s your chance – do it! As long as you like Jay-Z, that is. *rolls eyes*

Wow! This is bad!

And I don’t mean bad in that late-80s really-good-kind-of-way.

There’s a lot of bad music out there. People should be protected against it. I’d start some sort of association, but I’m too lazy. So instead, on Desperately Seeking Something, I’m going to bring you videos of songs that are truly awful. Take a listen to them – just once of course – and then protect your friends. Every time you hear these songs being played on the radio, MTV, wherever, cover your friends’ ears. Drag them out of the room. Throw a rock at the TV. Whatever’s necessary. They’ll thank you for it. Trust me.

Here’s Beeper by The Count And Sinden featuring Kid Sister. (So apparently it took three people to make something this bad.)

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUZCV95SCXE]

Radio 1 Eats Itself

Radio 1

The powers that be at Radio 1 seem to be doing a darn good job of trying to ruin the station.

A year or so ago, they seemed to have settled on a decent enough lineup of DJs. The weekday lineup, for example: Chris Moyles provides the fun in the mornings – like him or loathe him, you can’t deny that he keeps upping listener numbers. (I hope that statement doesn’t prove to be the kiss of death for him.) Scott Mills provides enough random humour for drivetime, as everyone pootles home from work. Jo Whiley seems to have settled into some kind of woman’s coffee-morning type show (sorry Jo, it’s true) which is pleasant enough. Zane Lowe, on at 7pm, is so energetic and infectious you can’t really help but like him. And Edith Bowman…well, if you can’t say anything good about someone, let’s not say anything at all, huh? But I suppose she’s well known, so they gave her a radio show.

My big bug bear is the weekends. Here’s a few reasons why:

Fearne and Reggie They clearly aren’t very good DJs. Yeah, youth TV, whatever, but they’re rubbish on radio. They’re not entertaining. They’re not interesting. Listen to them for 20 minutes, and they’re jabber away about something totally inane, before giggling amongst themselves, and then repeating the same phrase over and over. A few weeks back, Reggie invited listeners to text in their opinions about songs. And some listeners, rather surprisingly, obeyed him. One girl said something vaguely bad about Amy Winehouse. “That’s harsh!” exclaimed Reggie. No it’s not, Reggie, it’s an opinion. 10 minutes later, on another subject: “That’s harsh!” Sigh. If you catch any of the adverts for Fearne and Reggie’s Chart Show, you can easily tell how bad they are. The ad will always be full of them laughing, with one “crazy” comment, and then lots of snippets of them saying stuff like “That’s up 10 places”, “We love this song”, “This song’s still in the charts”. They’ve been doing the chart every week since last autumn, and that’s the best advert Radio 1 jingle makers can create about them?!

Switch This is some sort of TV/radio crossover show, that’s one BBC2 on Saturday afternoons and Radio 1 on Sunday evenings. Presented by Annie Mac, except she’s now covering for Sara Cox who’s on maternity leave. So it’s presented by Grimmy. Grimmy?! GRIMMY?! Are we all 12-year-old boys? What kind of a stupid nickname is that? What’s wrong with the bloke’s real name? (Nick Grimshaw) Or perhaps it’s because the entire audience is 11-year-olds doing their homework on a Sunday night. BORING.

Annie Mac I’m sure she’s great on her Mash Up on Friday nights. But she’s not that great as a mainstream DJ. Especially not as a replacement for Sara Cox, who used to EASILY be the most annoying DJ on the planet, but who has now done a complete about turn and is actually one of Radio 1’s best. With Annie, you’ve got yet more nonsensical chat about…nothing.

All in all, the weekend shows make Radio 1 seem like some kind of amateur station. When I was nine years old, I had a “DJ toy” that consisted of a microphone, a tape player and a sound effects machine. My friends and I made fake radio shows by talking about crap, making weird noises, pressing all the sound effects buttons and playing Bros on loop. Weekends on Radio 1 seems like one step above what I was doing when I was nine. (Without the Bros on loop, obviously.)

Oh, and, putting on some of the night-time DJs on at daytime (today – Easter Monday), is one of the worst decisions ever made. I’ve never heard worse radio. The songs are apalling, the dialogue very strained, and the presenters all seem to have the charisma of an orange.

Even Edith Bowman would have been better.

New Madonna Music

Madonna’s new single got played on French radio over the weekend and, of course, is now out there on the Internet. Listen to 4 Minutes To Save The World.

Doesn’t the backing beat sound like something from an 80s computer game? I’d consider myself a Madonna fan, but that just gave me a headache. And now I feel nauseous. Uh oh. This isn’t going to turn out well.

Listen at your peril!

Happy News: Time for Eurovision 2008!

Well, not quite. The actual Eurovision Song Contest will be held in Belgrade on 24th May, but during this past weekend the UK decided on their entry. It will be Even If by former X Factor contestant Andy Abraham. Click below to have a listen:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWnQ_81n3YE]

Hmmmm. I mean, it’s pleasant enough, but it’s not quite a winner, right? Although who knows what you need to do to be a Eurovision these days? Being Eastern European seems to help a lot and/or if you’re a transexual (1998 winner Dana International), Goth (2006 winners Lordi) or some sort of woman that looks like she’s been raised by wolves (2004 winner Ruslana).

Ooh! What about if you’re Eastern European and a transexual Goth wolf?? I might be on to something here!