Tag Archives: Magazines

She’s fit, but Vogue don’t know it

Cheryl Cole graces the cover of the February 2009 edition of Vogue. Ah, but a mere seven years* ago she was a nobody; six years* ago she was a pop nobody; five years* ago she was a toilet attendant-attacking nobody, and now she’s really someone! (*All timings in this sentence approximate, I don’t follow pop careers that closely.)

Our lass has stormed the pop charts! Turned herself into a foxy, yet stylish, lady! Worn really funky, bright pink lipstick! Copied my look of leopard-print top and wet look leggings! (TRUE. It is MY look. I did it first. She copied ME.) Breathed new life in The X Factor! Forgiven a lying, cheating, scumbag of a husband!

So, it’s really no surprise that she’s got herself on the cover of Vogue. Except they’ve decided to Vogue-ify her, stripping her of her perky sexiness, and instead made her into some very bland model-type thing. Sure, there’s worse  things they could have depicted her as, it’s not like they’ve superimposed her ugly husband’s face onto hers, but it just seems a bit cold and…meh. I suppose that’s Vogue’s “look” though, eh?

Dont just stand there, lets get to it
Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it

(Not to mention – the fact that her facial features appear ever so slightly too big).

P.S. How much does it sound like I fancy Cheryl? I don’t, I just think she’s pretty and stylish.

P.P.S. I mean, I am female. And straight.

P.P.P.S. Then again, it’s the 21st century…so it’s all good…

The Halle Berry Game

The BBC News website are playing a very exciting game with us today:
What is Halle?
What is Halle?

Indeed, what could Halle Berry – one of the world’s most beautiful women and a fine actress (mostly, anyway) possibly be voted as by men’s magazine Esquire? My top guesses were:

  • Best Snail
  • Top Makeup Wearer
  • Awesomest Use of Eyes
  • World’s Greatest Retro Computer User
  • No. 1 iPhone Application Creator

But no! It’s none of these! Halle has instead been voted “Sexiest Woman Alive” by Esquire readers. I know, weird, huh?

Gemma Arterton – 007 Heaven, Fashion Hell

Here’s hot new Bond girl Gemma Arterton on the cover of the October edition of Tatler:

She bangs, she bangs
She bangs, she bangs

She’s a very pretty lady indeed, and will no doubt will be great in the upcoming Bond film, Quatum of Solace. But for the latest edition of this magazine, she’s very kindly stepped in to illustrate the article entitled “Society’s Shocking Taboos”. Yup, top of that list must be magazine editors making celebrities look either a) stupid or b) ugly or c) ugly and stupid on their covers. But our Gemma does well, with her natural beauty still shining through, despite the bizarre haircut which looks a bit like it’s been added on by computer in a “What Hairstyle Would Suit You?” piece of software. And her dress…lace and feathers? Who in their right mind would wear a dress with both? Nay, would in their right mind would design a dress featuring both?

Good on you, Gemma.

By the way, is it just me or is the article title “Cake Middleton” brilliant?