The Apprentice 2008 – Part 1

The Apprentice is back. Hooray! Here comes Sir Alan in his big, black menacing car, getting driven around scenic bits of London when in fact his Amstrad office  is in some crappy bit of Essex. Here come the new contestants, installed in another ludriculously over-the-top house again (this time in Battersea) where we’ll see them drinking wine in the kitchen and having arguments in their underwear. And here come (hopefully) exciting new tasks, designed to distinguish the winners from the losers, when all we really want is for the contestants to get hopelessly embarrassed and ridiculed. The show next Wednesday, 26th March, on BBC1 at 9pm.

So, let’s look at some of the contestants:


Raef Bjayou (27 years old) believes he has the charisma to win The Apprentice. Hmmm, it’s literally oozing out of his photo, isn’t it? *yawns* He’s a former estate agent. Nuff said. Verdict: Could be last year’s Adam. Remember him? No, me neither.


Jenny Celerier (36) is a single mum to Simon, who’s 17. Sounds like a self-made woman. Sounds a bit like last year’s finalist, Kristina! Verdict: Could go far.

The Apprentice
Nicholas de Lacy-Brown (23 years old) was born plain old Nicholas Brown, but added the “de Lacy” bit to make him sound more sophisticated. The Apprentice website says he “feels most comfortable in the role of an artistic, country-hopping lord”. For his sake, let’s hope there’s a task where they have to pretend to run a country manor. The website goes on to say “he supplements his earnings with a mixture of artistic endeavour and property development”. In other words, he creates party flyers in Microsoft Office, and once painted a mate’s living room as a favour. Verdict: The kid won’t last. Sir Alan will hate him.


Sara Dhada (25) apparently decided to save the family company – selling cars – by taking over the reins from her brothers. Her brothers were a bit crap, then? She likes “socialising and baking” – hey, we’d probably be friends! I like socialising and eating! She “recently challenged herself to drive from Leicester to Mumbai in seven days”. Only the other day, I challenged myself to ride from Bromley to the moon by bike – in 4 hours. I’m not going to bother trying, but it’s at least important to challenge yourself to do things, don’t you think? Verdict: Mid-table.


Lucinda Ledgerwood (31) …wait a minute! That’s just Katie Hopkins from last year! All she’s done is scrub off her hideous blue eye make-up and cover up her pink cheeks with foundation! So not only was she the first contestant to turn down Sir Alan, but know she wants to be the first to do it all again! Weird. Verdict: Sir Alan won’t be fooled again.


Jennifer Maguire (27) says she can “sell anything. I can sell pieces of paper for £50 and making a living out of it”. These “pieces of paper” intrigue me. What are they? Are they blank A4 sheets, suitable for inkjet printers? Do they have long-lost Picasso sketches on them? What about if these magical pieces of paper are £50 notes? Then you’d only be breaking even. Except you’d most likely have overhead costs, so then you’d be making a loss. Jennifer clearly hasn’t thought this through. Verdict: she could use these pieces of paper to wrap up the competition, ho ho ho.

Tune in for more tomorrow! 

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