Monthly Archives: January 2009

It’s Monday! Video Time!

It's Monday!

Do you know Wang Chung? You should. They’re great. They did that song that David “Kid” Jensen used to play a lot on Capital Radio back in the 90s. (Dance Hall Days) That other song where they “vibrated” a lot and Beavis and Butthead (*shudders*) made fun of. (Everybody Have Fun Tonight)

But this is my favourite song of theirs…which was also in The Breakfast Club, when the gang dance around in the library after they’ve shared a few secrets. I like how the film features in the video!

[youtube:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAWg_EiPuWE]

Sachsgate – exactly who lost out?

Bad Behaviour

So, back in October 2008 – remember that year?  – Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross left some rude messages on 78-year-old Andrew Sachs answerphone during Brand’s Radio 2 show, and then 3 people listened and complained, and then a Daily Mail journalist listened again (Damn you, BBC iPlayer!) and wrote an article about it, then 30,000 Daily Mail readers got upset because the story didn’t involve Princess Di, and then the rest of the media went mad and considered the top news item for three days running, and really, my cat just licked its arse, can I get this as the top story on the News At Ten as it’s right up there with Sachsgate and the nation need to know about it and discuss it at length and hopefully it will be mentioned in parliament too?

Anyway, let’s take a look at how all the central players are doing now:

  • Russell Brand: had to resign from the BBC, which leaves him more time to make a name for himself in Hollywood
  • Jonathan Ross: was given a 3-month suspension, which he has used to full effect by larking around in Florida (hey, who wouldn’t?)
  • Georgina Baillie, aka “The Grandaughter”: before the scandal, was dancing around like a satantic slut but nobody knew her name. Still dancing around like a satanic slut, but now everyone knows her name. (The sounds like an episode of Cheers gone bad.) Well, they’ll know her name for the next 5, 4, 3, 2…

And from today’s news:

  • Andrew Sachs: will be in bloody Coronation Street later this year!

So, to recap, the scandal has made one person famous, allowed another to further their career in Hollywood, given a third their career back and the fourth a chance to faff around in the sun!

Oh yeah, and bored the rest of us…

She’s fit, but Vogue don’t know it

Girls Aloud, Magazines

Cheryl Cole graces the cover of the February 2009 edition of Vogue. Ah, but a mere seven years* ago she was a nobody; six years* ago she was a pop nobody; five years* ago she was a toilet attendant-attacking nobody, and now she’s really someone! (*All timings in this sentence approximate, I don’t follow pop careers that closely.)

Our lass has stormed the pop charts! Turned herself into a foxy, yet stylish, lady! Worn really funky, bright pink lipstick! Copied my look of leopard-print top and wet look leggings! (TRUE. It is MY look. I did it first. She copied ME.) Breathed new life in The X Factor! Forgiven a lying, cheating, scumbag of a husband!

So, it’s really no surprise that she’s got herself on the cover of Vogue. Except they’ve decided to Vogue-ify her, stripping her of her perky sexiness, and instead made her into some very bland model-type thing. Sure, there’s worse  things they could have depicted her as, it’s not like they’ve superimposed her ugly husband’s face onto hers, but it just seems a bit cold and…meh. I suppose that’s Vogue’s “look” though, eh?

Dont just stand there, lets get to it
Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it

(Not to mention – the fact that her facial features appear ever so slightly too big).

P.S. How much does it sound like I fancy Cheryl? I don’t, I just think she’s pretty and stylish.

P.P.S. I mean, I am female. And straight.

P.P.P.S. Then again, it’s the 21st century…so it’s all good…

And the next Doctor Who is…

TV

…some young actor called Matt Smith. Oh. Cool.

26-year-old Matt will be the youngest ever Doctor, appearing on our screens in 2010. He’s been in…some…TV stuff before, like the BBC’s Party Animals (not that that’s really going to jog your memories as to who he is) and was apparently a near-immediate choice for the Doctor Who makers when Smith came to audition.

Looking at him, with his skinny lankiness, ever-so-slight awkwardness and his rather elaborate, bouffant hair, he sort of looks like…well…a younger (and English) David Tennant – doesn’t he?

Ah! Which means I totally called it! In yesterday’s post about the next Doctor Who, at number 3 on the list, I wrote that Tenannt would be replaced by a 26-year-old version of himself! Ahahahahahahahahaha! Me = genius!

Well, kind of.

Greatest Puzzles of the 21st Century – Part 5

The Internet, TV,

What on earth is the point of Channel 4’s “Rude Tube” programme? The kind of audience this show is aimed entirely at…are people who have the Internet and will have already seen all of the “Internet’s finest moments”. (Channel 4’s words, not mine.) And, AND given that these are all Internet clips and therefore filmed with cameras of (usually) rather poor quality, showing them on telly is going to make every video look like it’s been filmed in a snowstorm.

AND very few of the clips are actually particularly rude, so what’s with the name?

AND it’s fronted by Alex “failed at Popworld” Zane who is beyond irritating.

Sheesh. Let’s calm ourselves by watching the talking cats:

[youtube:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974]

Doctor, who?

TV

A very exciting news report emerged from the BBC! About Doctor Who! Are you ready?

Doctor doctor, cant you hear us calling, calling?
Doctor doctor, can’t you see I’m burning, burning?

The new Doctor who will be…

*deep breath*

…announced later today! Wowee!!

Pah. I mean, come on! Couldn’t they have just announced which actor will be the next Doctor without having a pre-announcement?

But this does give us some time to reflect on some likely candidates. Here’s my top ten list:

  1. Billie Piper Well, everyone seems really excited about her possibly playing the Doctor, and she was very good as his assistant, so it does kind of make sense etc etc blah blah blah.
  2. Who’s Who In a TV first, the main character will be played by a book. Newspaper reports will, in future, always refer to the tome as Doctor Who’s Who’s Who.
  3. David Tennant In a really random twist of fate, David Tennant will be replacing himself as the Time Lord. David, 37, will be succeeded by David, 26, in a real-life episode where he travels back in time 11 years and brings his younger self to 2009 to replace himself.
  4. The Tardis And why not? It transports the Doctor round on all his adventures, so why don’t they just cut out any human element travelling inside it?
  5. A Dalek This will be a bit like Terminator 2. In the first Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger played the bad guy, sent back in time to destroy Sarah Connor. In the second film, he’s the good guy, sent back in time to protect Sarah Connor. So how about one Dalek renouncing his bad Dalek-ness, and becoming the Time Lord? And then fighting against his old Dalek mates? Ooooh, by the way, who’s totally excited about the new Terminator movie this year?! Me! Me!
  6. Talking of which – Christian Bale. Well he seems to be playing every other major character at the moment, so he may as well go ahead an play Doctor Who too.
  7. David Coverdale Hey, why not? This is my list, I can say who I want. Get your own list if you don’t agree.
  8. Doctor Fox He’s already a doctor, so he wouldn’t have to take any exams or earn any qualifications like all Doctor Who actors must do, I presume, in order to play the role. Talking of which, when did DJ Neil Fox drop the “Doctor” from his name?
  9. A cat Any cat. My cat, your cat, this cat, that cat. Because cats rule. And then, instead of any dialogue, they should just have giant captions on screen in the style of I Can Has Cheezburger.
  10. Patterson Joseph He’s apparently the favourite to take over the role. And I say, but of course – he’s Johnson from Peep Show!! Johnson from Peep Show can do EVERYTHING! It would be even better if Patterson Joseph played Doctor Who AS Johnson from Peep Show. That would rock.