Monthly Archives: August 2007

Seriously guys…what?

Yeah, it happens to me too. I go see a film and come out thinking “the music totally rocked!!” (for films often turn me into an American teenager from the 80s) and end up humming the best songs for the next few days before I cave in and buy the soundtrack.

One film that DIDN’T make me do any of the above is The Simpsons Movie. Not because it was a bad movie – it was generally so-so. There just wasn’t any music apart from the theme tune which I may well have already heard 2,058,349 times and don’t need to own. Oh yeah, and that silly Spider Pig song, ha ha…funny…for about 5 minutes.

Except that some like it a bit too much. This “song” is actually currently in the UK charts at number 23. Wha…?

Spider Pig

Hans Zimmer is credited as the song’s composer. I like him. He do Miami Vice.

Cover your ears, unplug your TV, dive under the duvet – X Factor returns

X Factor 

Okay, so I realise that you’d probably only need to do one of the actions in the title to avoid X Factor…but my little tip for everyone is to do ALL THREE in case it somehow manages to infiltrate your home like some weird bubbling virus in a horror movie, emerging from your sinks and creeping out from under the floorboards.*

The fourth series of X Factor returns this Saturday, 18th August. I can’t think why. Okay, sure, the initial few programmes which show all the auditions are vaguely entertaining, but only because of the contestants that are so hopeless you have to wonder why they’re there in the first place. (And why do so many of them claim something along the lines of “But I AM a good singer! My family/friends/deaf dog have always told me that!”)

But once we get to the finals…*shudder*. Week after week after week after week of endless singing, voting, fake arguing from the judges. It makes me feel like this:

Homer Simpson Drooling

And at the end of it, we get some artist who will be the Xmas number one with a rubbish song, and from then on will gradually fade into oblivion. Oh yeah, and Simon Cowell will be several millions of pounds richer.

* I don’t know if such things happen in horror movies, I don’t watch them. If not, they should definitely make a horror movie with this plot.

Beckham makes his debut, Galaxy possibly doing badly

David Beckham finally made his league debut last Thursday for his new team LA Galaxy. “League” of course being the MLS or Major League Soccer, which I always think is an odd name for a sports league, as it sounds like the words are in the wrong order.

Coming on for only the last 20 minutes of the game, Becks couldn’t help Galaxy and they went down to a 0-1 defeat against D.C. United. Last night they suffered another 0-1 loss, to New England Revolution. (Why are they undergoing a revolution??)

These two results don’t leave LA Galaxy in very good standing. At least, I don’t think so. I’ve tried looking up the league table, but all I can see is that they’re second from bottom in the Western Division according to the MLS Standings. There’s two separate tables! What’s that all about? Better yet, there’s a team called Real Salt Lake. Hmmm, gotta love those real ones. (Or perhaps it’s “re-yal” Salt Like, like Real Madrid. Classy.)

Baby has baby

Baby Spice gave birth to her first child today – a boy named Beau. What?! That’s kind of hard to say! Poor kid. This brings the total number of Spice children to seven – three for Victoria, two for Mel B, and one for Geri. Only Mel C has yet to have a sprog.

Hmm, Spice Children. Sounds like a spin-off band. Kind of like S Club 7 and their younger counterparts, S Club Juniors. In fact, they nearly have enough for a mini-Spice Girls, what with there being four girls amongst these kids. I suppose Victoria’s three sons can be backing dancers, or something.

Scary Spice saves it all for 2007

Mel B 

You know how it is…maybe you have a bit of a down period in your career, perhaps your personal life isn’t going so well. Then, a new year dawns and you vow make a change for the better. You have a child fathered by a Hollywood star, you get married (but not to the aforementioned man) and you call up your old mates and decide to go back on tour with them. (But not for the money, oh no.)

And all this is precisely what Scary Spice, Mel B, has done. Busy Spice, more like. After giving birth to Eddie Murphy’s baby back in April, she and the rest of the Spice Girls announced a world tour that will take place at the end of this year. And this week comes the news that she secretly wed her boyfriend, film producer Stephen Belafonte, in June.

Calm down woman! You’ll give yourself a hernia!

What are magazines doing to our beloved celebrities?!

Magazines do some crazy shit. Yeah, they airbrush to the max and do all sorts of fancy computer wizardry. Most times, the cover stars end up looking pretty hot, if not always entirely natural. Sometimes they go a bit too far in their alterations, like when they shrunk Kate Winslet’s waist and lengthed her legs for a GQ cover a few years back.

And then sometimes they do stuff to make you think – what’s going on here? Like the latest issue of W, featuring Gwyneth* Paltrow:

Gwyneth Paltrow

My initial response was “Wow…I think??”. But looking at it further, I couldn’t help but be reminded of:

Donatella Versace

Okay, so Gwyneth’s face isn’t exactly melting. But take her as she’s on the cover of W, mix in a few decades, and you’re heading into Donatella territory. 

* You know the saying, “you learn something new everyday”? Well today, I finally figured out how to spell ‘Gwyneth’. Yay for me!

The Lost Boys

Corey Feldman & Corey Haim 

A new reality TV show recently started in America…so what’s new, you ask? Well, this one has the two 80s hearthrobs, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, living together in one big house. (Along with Feldman’s wife.) Err…and that’s it. They just sort of live their lives, and stuff. Hmm, riveting, eh? They’re pitching it along the lines of a modern day “Odd Couple”.

Still, I do have a soft spot for both of them, and am mostly pleased to see them back “in the limelight”. Of course, if I had my way, we’d all still be living in some kind of 80s mania. “Still at number one for the third week…it’s Bananarama!!” Ahem. Haim used to be so cute, and now looks really beat. What a shame!

Reading the official show website, the most interesting fact I came across was how Feldman and his missus got married in 2003. Whilst starring in The Surreal Life (like Celebrity Big Brother, but fancier house, and they’re allowed out and about), producers persuaded him to hold the wedding on the last show of the series. Okay, a little strange…til you read that the ceremony was co-officiated by Feldman’s co-star…MC Hammer!!

COREY FELDMAN’S WEDDING WAS OFFICIATED BY MC HAMMER!

Yeah, I had to write it in caps so everyone can comprehend and muse over that one for a while.

Must See TV…when it comes to this country…Flight of the Conchords

When in the US not so long ago, I encountered (trans: whilst visiting my friend, she made me watch) a new comedy show on the HBO network entitled Flight of the Conchords. The plotline centres around two New Zealand guys, Bret and Jermaine (played by Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement), living in New York and stuggling to get their band off the ground. Ineptly managed by their compatriot Murray (whose proper job is working for the New Zealand Consulate) they have no gigs, no jobs, no hope! But they at least have one fan – a crazed stalker called Mel. And in each episode they spontaneously burst out into song.

Here’s one of my favourite songs so far – Part-Time Model. And yeah, that is Nancy from Peep Show! (Actress Rachel Blanchard)

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7vgY0yEs9Y]

And randomly: if you have memories that stretch far back…or if you’re a fan of mobile phone shops’ commercials…the two guys appeared in a Phones4U ad back in 2003:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHgLjKy16gI]

Only problem now is, I’m totally hooked. (To the show, not to the ad.) And it’s not in the UK yet. Drat. Evenings spent in front of You Tube beckon.

Number 1 this Sunday?

Is it just me or has been no standout songs this summer? Yeah, we’ve had Umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh…and that song about rain and standing underneath something…and that song by Rihanna too…

But now comes a fantastic summer anthem, just in time! It’s called With Every Heartbeat and it’s by Swedish singer Robyn. Here it is:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdJS4x12mqA]

Some of you may remember Robyn from the late 90s, with her one-hit wonder song Show Me Love. My, what a change!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia2OkrWNmzE]

Irony: Lily Allen *wants* to work, gets denied

Lily Allen

 Lily Allen has had her work visa cancelled upon entering the US on Sunday night, it has emerged. The problem stems from her assault of a photographer in the UK back in March of this year. She was questioned for five hours after being challenged by immigration staff upon landing at Los Angeles Airport, but was allowed into the country. The cancellation of her work visa puts her planned US tour in September into doubt. Lily was in the US to attend the MTV Video Music Awards nominations party.

All this makes a change from when she cancelled dates in America in May and June because she was “bored slightly”! Now that she wants to go ahead with the gigs, she can’t! Poor Lily. But let this be a lesson to you, girl – don’t put off til tomorrow what you can do today! Ach, who am I kidding, I never listen to that saying.

In better news for her, she was at least nominated for a MTV VMA – Best New Artist.