Hmmm…I think this is the wrong kind of proposal

The BBC News reports on a “helpful” strategy that Manchester Airport are employing for Valentine’s Day in order to avoid any secretly hidden engagement rings being unveiled at airport security…thereby ruining the surprise of a proposal.

Travellers can now say a special code phrase which will see them screened privately, so all lovely and not-so-lovely rings stay firmly hidden the lucky girl (or guy?) is none the wiser.

The only problem – I think, anyway – is that the phrase in question is “be my Valentine”. Now, if I were travelling to some exotic locale for a romantic getaway with my loved one and they uttered this phrase to a security guard at the airport, I’d think they were cracking onto them. And then I’d get mad. And then I’d probably dump them.

It’s a recipe for disaster.

• BBC News: Manchester Airport Valentine code for secret proposals

This kind of sounds like something from the X  Files. No wait, it’s a little too light-hearted for the X Files. Make that “it’s like something from a 1980s comedy thriller”.

The National Archives have released their “UFO Files”, documenting apparent UFO sighting from 1986 to 1992. The best sighting is by an Alitalia pilot in 1991, on a plane bound for Heathrow. Upon seeing a brown, missile-shaped object he warned his co-pilot to “look out!”. Pretty helpful advice, methinks. “Beppe dere isa something ina sky! Looka out!”

Let me see, a brown, missle-shaped object? Could it perhaps be…a brown missile? The Ministry of Defence thought not, and also ruled out it being a space rocket or a weather balloon. Yup, I believe the official file says “Beppe and Alessandro were on the sambuca again. CASE CLOSED.”

Disclaimer: This post has slightly xenophobic undertones, and also uses a very obvious joke. Sorry. It’s just a joke. I’m also not suggesting that Alitalia are all drunken idiots. Bankrupt – yes, drunken idiots – no.

Oh, and I’ve also stolen Perez Hilton’s writing on pictures thing.

Wow, least original post ever. Let that be a lesson for me.

• BBC News: Airliner had near miss with UFO

Over the weekend, Iron Maiden lead singer Bruce Dickinson came to the rescue of some unlucky holidaymakers who were stranded in Sharm el-Sheikh and Kos when the travel company XL went bust. Good ol’ Bruce piloted a plane to the Egyptian resort, flew back to England, had a quick sleep, then went out to Kos to rescue some more British tourists that were stuck on the holiday island.

Most newspaper reports of this story helpfully add that Bruce is a “fully-qualified Boeing 757 pilot” (e.g. The Mirror) which is awesome! Not only is a helpful guy, but he’s also trained to fly planes! What a brilliant coincidence.

Unfortunately, it might not be so good for said pilot:

…Marc Cryer, on Bruce’s chartered Monarch flight from Sharm el-Sheikh on Saturday, was alone in his awe at being rescued by such a famous captain of rock.

Marc said: “I was stunned – though nobody else seemed to know who he was. I must have been his one fan on the trip.

Tut, where are Iron Maiden fans when you need them? Well, clearly not stranded in Sharm el-Sheikh…

I hope this is the start of trend in society – rock legends generally coming to the rescue. I understand that Robert Plant of Led Zepplin is putting together a funding package to help struggling airline Alitalia. Joe Elliott of Def Leppard is considering digging deep to help some of them employees of Lehman Brothers. Jon Bon Jovi will start a weekly column in The Sun to help readers through the credit crunch. And Coldplay’s Chris Martin will pen a whiny piano song about the whole thing.

• Mirror: Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson flies stranded XL passengers back to the UK