So, yesterday Jay-Z, or maybe his people, or his record company, or possibly his pet parakeet, got the excellent Newport State Of Mind - the parody of the almost as good Empire State Of Mind – taken off YouTube. BOOOOOO says most of the country…probably.

If you’re having withdrawal symptoms (I know I am) then along comes Wales’ seventh most popular rap group to save the day! Goldie Lookin’ Chain – or GLC as they seem to be known these days – have decided to make their own reply-slash-parody of Newport State Of Mind, entitled Newport State Of Mind (You’re Not From Newport). I see what they did there. Anyway, here it is:

Now, this new video raises several points and questions:

1. Who didn’t watch Newport State Of Mind (let’s call it NSOM) and think, “Isn’t this Goldie Lookin’ Chain? Oh maybe not…there’s not 15 of them, and this is actually quite good.”
2. This version is pretty crap.
3. And not very funny.
4. And a bit pointless.
5. And I bet most people knew the places (Welsh Assembly, the DVLA) and celebrities named in NSOM weren’t actually in or from Newport but let’s face it, what or who is? So you’ve got to include some general names in it as well and if you get great phrases and lines like “Craig to the Bellamy” and “Tom Jones Steve Zones Zeta Jones Traffic Cones Make sure you park in the designated parking zones” then quite frankly, I don’t care.
6. Never thought Newport was the Hollywood of Wales but, blimey, GLC’s video makes it look like the arsehole of Wales.
7. So?? SO?? Is Josie frickin’ D’Arby from Newport or what?!?
8. GLC’s chorus says “You’re not from Newport, probably never been here either, I’ll bet you a fiver” which is strange…BECAUSE THE VIDEO OF NSOM IS CLEARY FILMED IN NEWPORT SO THEY’VE OBVIOUSLY BEEN LIKEDURRRRRURSODUMB. Though if they’re talking to me personally then yeah, they’re right – I’ve haven’t ever been to Newport.
9. What’s the bit on the inside of your knee called? Mine’s called Matthew.

Well done everyone! We’ve done it! We’ve beaten the evil kitten-eater Simon Cowell and the winner of his spreadsheet talent contest The Excel Factor, Steve Brookstein, in their bid to get the Christmas number one with their cover of Disney starlet Billy Ray Cyrus’s hit, The Fall. (Yeah, that sentence has too much “spoof”. I know. Well, I haven’t posted properly in a while, I’ve got to get my remaining spoof out before the year ends. Plus I don’t watch X Factor, so only have a vague idea of what actually goes on.)

Anyways, yes, a lot of “us” bought Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name, regardless of whether we liked it or not or remembered the song first time round etc etc. And we drove it to number one, with 50,000 more copies sold than Joe McElderry’s The Climb.

Though why people are calling this a chart upset beats me. Or even a Christmas number one upset. Sure, the X Factor winner has been number one for the last 40 years so this year’s X Factor’s winner was guaranteed it again, even if the winner had been a raisin wearing a woolly hat. But then a Facebook campaign/group started, attracting almost 1 million followers – 500,000 more members than actually bought the single. (Eh?)

So when you expect several hundreds of thousands of people to buy a single and there’s a damn good chance that it hits the top spot – that it actually gets there isn’t that surprising or even that much of an upset. Okay, so it beat what most people expected to be there instead (well, most people prior to December), but it’s just not that surprising. If Lady Gaga – who ended up in the third spot – actually got to number one instead of either single, that would be an upset. If Michael Jackson had suddenly appeared on the Monday in HMV Oxford Street and urged everyone to buy his new single for Christmas and it hit the top spot, that would be an upset. If the number one “spot” magically disappeared and there was NO number one, that would be an upset. If…oh, you get the picture.

And the same goes for Christmas number one upsets in previous years. For example, 1985 is often mentioned as an example – when Shakin’ Stevens Merry Christmas Everyone beat Whitney Houston’s Saving All My Love For You. Upset – what upset? More people bought Shakey’s single.

And it’s about Christmas, at least.

And look at his nice red scarf:

From BBC News:

Normally I’d write a bit more in a blog entry – make a wise crack, explain what the eff’s going on, blabber on about the 1980s, mouth off about Simon Cowell – that kind of thing.

But this doesn’t need any of that. All of us can just sit back and smile, safe in the knowledge that a Def Leppard cartoon is – FINALLY – about to be made.

Phew.

• BBC News: Def Leppard cartoon show in pipeline

Technically, I haven’t stumbled upon this *right* now. In fact, I found it via  a link on a page that was linked to on another page that was linked to in a comment of a blog that I found when clicking on a link on a page. And this all took place just after my last blog post - over a month ago. But this is so truly amazing that it’s taken me a month to recover from freaking out near daily.

And it’s all related to my last post – Patrick Bateman based on Tom Cruise, so says Christian Bale. Which somehow led me to find this beautiful video:

 Beautiful.

Dear Lily Allen,

I just found a really cool logo for your anti-piracy crusade:

After all, something about “killing music” and being “illegal” – perfect.

Though I don’t understand what this “taping” is.

Yours,

DesperatelySeekingSomething.com

Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record. I do, however, remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade.

Well, okay – what she’s actually saying is that she’s currently not about to record a new album. That doesn’t mean she isn’t going to. I currently have no plans have a snack, juggle knives, stop trying to stay awake, or star in a big-budget Hollywood movie. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to do any of these things at some point in my life…year…day.

More amusingly, however, are reasons why her blog on illegal downloading has disappeared. Not only was some of the content lifted (or rather, just not properly attributed, as she later claimed) from elsewhere (Techdirt), and not only did it feature “illegal” scans of newspaper articles, but her website contains – or did contain – “mixtapes” made by her a few years ago, featuring snippets of music, used without permission, of course, from other artists.

Oops. I really don’t agree with her stance on illegal file sharing for various reasons, but I suppose she should be commended for taking a stance on something she, supposedly, is strongly against. But maybe she should have thought “it” (her blog; being so vocal on the matter) through a  little more. Especially because, as a young singer that’s only been a popular artist for the last few years, she’s bound to have got where she is today by people illegally downloading her music and getting to find out who she is.

Plus, if you get someone like Lily Allen banging on about illegal music downloading on a makeshift blog, you just know everyone’s going to jump on it and try and catch her out in any way possible. Which they did. Ooops.

• The Guardian: Lily Allen to quit music? Don’t bet on it
• Techdirt: A Teaching Moment For Lily Allen
• BoingBoing: Lily Allen’s copyright problem

This happened aaaaages ago but, y’know, I can’t possibly write about properly current events as it’s a little passe and anyway, it’s much more fun rehashing stuff ages after it’s happened. (Tomorrow’s post: new technological advancement called “The Internetz” will allow you to look at FREE pictures of cats with funny captions in the privacy of your own home.)

But here’s Florence off of Florence and The Machine doing a cover of Beyon’ce’s (that’s a spelling mistake, but I like it – Ms Knowles should consider using it) Halo from Jo Whiley’s Live Lounge back in June. It took place on the 24th June, in fact – the day before Michael Jackson died. Coincidence? I think not.

Am I alone in thinking this is one of the worst, most painful cover versions…EVER? I don’t deny Florence is talented and that she normally has a good voice when doing her own songs, and that she’s got that whole unusual vocal/slightly different sound/kooky image thing going on that’s refreshing and new if Kate Bush hadn’t have existed.

According to Wikipedia (so who know’s if this is true or not – but having a vague memory of the show and the listener comments that came in that day, I suspect it is):

…host Jo Whiley stated that it was one of the best covers they have ever had in the Live Lounge.

And I think…really? Really? Am I listening to the same thing? Do I have my computer speakers on a “bad singing” setting? Are the foxes playing up in the garden again? Has my hearing gone all wrong? Is everyone mental? Are people being too polite to say anything?

Oh God, it’smy hearing, isn’t it? Oh no…noooooooooo….

The BBC News ticker keeps telling me that Noel Gallagher has reportedly left Oasis, according to the Oasis website (which won’t load; I guess all five of us have broken it by trying to access it at the same time). I’d nearly give a shit were I not watching coverage of Kings of Leon from Reading and thinking that they’re pretty freakin’ awesome.

If you can’t be in a “top” rockband and get on with your bandmates, maybe you should give your fans of your many millions back? And if you can’t get on with your “kid” brother, maybe you should just have a scrap in the backyard and break his Barbie doll, or something.

It’s a sad day, I tell you. But we’ll get over it. After all, Peter Andre’s making a comeback. And I hear Michael Bolton’s working on a new album.

• BBC News: Noel Gallagher “quitting Oasis”

Never underestimate the patronising nature of the tabloids…for, trying to describe Beyonce and Jay-Z’s holiday in Croatia this week, the Daily Mail states that:

while her chart contemporaries have been spending the summer sailing around the traditional showbiz haunts of St Tropez and Portofino, Beyonce has broken out and visit [sic] one of Europe’s newest and trendiest hotspots

Wow, what a brave girl! Whilst other celebs are holidaying in “proper” holiday destinations, the brave lass has dragged along her husband to this practically unknown country. I’ve heard people in Croatia live in brick houses, drive four-wheeled cars, eat food and sleep on beds. (Though how can a place be both “new” and “trendy”? And I suppose it’s new only if you pretend the last ten years or so of mass tourism haven’t happened.)

Anyways, so – post dinner in Dubrovnik, the couple and their bodyguard get into an altercation with a paparazzo which saw the photog throw his tripod at their bodyguard (hey, aren’t those things expensive?) who then promptly threw it into the Adriatic sea.

Bodyguard/paparazzi fighting isn’t big or clever, kids, though it can sometimes seem a little bit funny. It also sounds like it could be Sacha Baron Cohen’s next film – “DRAGAN: Don’t mess with this Eastern European paparazzo.”

• Daily Mail: Bootylicious Beyonce shows off her curves as she holidays in Croatia with husband Jay-Z
• MTV.com: Jay-Z, Beyonce’s Bodyguard Battles Paparazzi In Croatia
• TMZ.com: Jay-Z’s Bodyguard Charged for Tripod Toss
• Jutarnji.hr (in Croatian)

You know the 80s, right? It was basically one big mess of a decade. So much so that now – nearly two decades after the 1980s finished – we’re having to resolve everything that the crazy people in the 80s got up to.

Like this. Aussie pop giants (I…hope…they…are?) Men At Work are being sued for plagirism over their 1981 hit, Down Under. A music publisher says that the flute part of the ditty is taken directly from a Girl Guides song, which it owns the copyright of. Though it only bought the copyright in 1990. And though Men At Work dispute this. Hmmm. And the music publishing company only started proceedings after similarities between the two songs were pointed out on a TV music quiz. I’m guessing some kind of Never Mind The Buzzcocks shenanigans.

What do you think? I’m not too sure myself, I personally find it hard to say. See below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNT7uZf7lew

Which got me thinking…which other great 80s hits might have been lifted from other songs back in the day? Duran Duran’s Rio? Adam & The Ants’s Prince Charming? Sonia’s You’ll Never Stop Me From Loving You? Oh please God no, don’t say it’s the last one!

• BBC News: Men At Work face plagiarism case