Ouch. The Daily Mail really knows how to hit people where it hurts. And by “people”, I mean celebrities, of course. And by “hit”, I mean take a sly dig at but actually not really because the paper will give them lots of exposure over the coming weeks thereby increasing their presence to the general public.

I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! returns once again to our TV screens tonight. 10 celebrities (or as the Mail says, “celebrities” – how cutting, Daily Mail, how cutting!) return to the wilds of the Australian jungle, with only creepy crawlies and two short Geordie lads for company. Except 10 have now become 9 as ex-Sex Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren has quit before the show even started, claiming the show was fake. Well, duh. If I went camping in Australia, I doubt I’d have to perform Bushtucker Trials everyday in order to get some grub.

Everyone criticises this programme each year for featuring Z-List celebrities. Now, people, think about this for a while. Do we really have 26 difference types of celebrities? From A-List right down to Z? Like, what’s a P-List celebrity, for example? P-List does also kind of sound like a name P Diddy might possibly go by one day.

Okay, so the full list of (ahem) Z-Listers is: Gemma Atkinson, Marc Bannerman, Jason ‘J’ Brown , John Burton Race, Janice Dickinson, Lynne Franks, Rodney Marsh, Cerys Matthews and Anna Ryder Richardson. Fun times ahead!

• Welcome to the jungle: ‘Celebrities’ descend on Oz ahead of I’m A Celebrity