Desperately Seeking Something

Technically, I haven’t stumbled upon this *right* now. In fact, I found it via  a link on a page that was linked to on another page that was linked to in a comment of a blog that I found when clicking on a link on a page. And this all took place just after my last blog post - over a month ago. But this is so truly amazing that it’s taken me a month to recover from freaking out near daily.

And it’s all related to my last post – Patrick Bateman based on Tom Cruise, so says Christian Bale. Which somehow led me to find this beautiful video:

 Beautiful.

This is best thing I’ve read all year. Well, all month. Day. Hour. Okay, the best thing I’ve read whilst I’m waiting for my washing machine to finish.

Director of American Psycho, Mary Harron, revealed in a recent magazine interview how she and lead actor Christian Bale worked on establishing the character, Patrick Bateman. After talking at length in various phone calls, Bale one day revealed seeing someone that would help establish the kind of person Patrick Bateman was.

Tom Cruise.

I totally see it. This makes me like American Psycho, Christian Bale and Patrick Bateman a little bit more. Heck, it even makes me like Tom Cruise. Well, only because I’m now imagining that he’s Patrick Bateman.

I don’t know if this is the interview because my two seconds of research don’t reveal when it’s from, but it sure could be. His laughing is mesmerising. Especially laughing about cutting someone’s oxygen supply off.

Dlisted: This Makes Sense

Last week I blogged about the 2009 MTV Movie Awards that took place last Monday, and wittered on about the whole Bruno/Eminem/bum-on-face occurance. In actual fact, I didn’t want to write about that at all, nor even feature a YouTube video of it. (The video’s been taken down for copyright reasons, anyway.)

What I did want to write about and have a video of was the short music video in the awards, “Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions” featuring Andy Samberg, Will Ferrell and JJ Abrams. It wasn’t on YouTube last week, but is now. That’s a true story.

I heart you, The Lonely Island! They could make a video of baby rabbits being mauled by A Flock Of Seagulls (the band), and I’d find it funny.

The 2009 MTV Movie Awards took place last night in LA, and is airing tonight in the UK. (MTV One, 9pm) There has never a single piece of programming that has ever made me older. I’m sitting here and it just seems to be a bunch of people I barely know about! Zac Efron? High School Musical? Are these people and movies really that successful? And Twilight – I have never known so little about such a popular movie.

Also, I really did just think to myself – this show wouldn’t be so bad if the audience weren’t screaming so much at everything. I am now officially my mother.

Still, this was pretty funny - just when wonder how Sacha Baron Cohen can outdo himself, he just about gets there:

(In all honesty, I actually wanted to post a clip of the Will Ferrell/Andy Samberg/JJ Abrahams song, ”Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions” – about movie leads always walking nonchalantly away from the massive explosion they’ve just set, causing half the city of collapse into a smouldering pile of rubble – except I couldn’t find it on YouTube. Bah.

Top Gun “star” Kelly McGillis has announced to the world that’s going to be hanging out with a lot more women in the future, as she outed herself as a lesbian in a recent online interview. In a strikingly vague declaration, McGillis announced that she her next partner would ”definitely be a woman” and that she was “done with the man thing. I did that, I need to move on in life”. Hmmm, dunno guys – it sounds like there’s a possibility that you could tempt her back.

The Daily Mail apparently seem to think that this is Hollywood’s worst kept secret. Well, excuuuse me! I never knew. But maybe that’s because I don’t live in Hollywood. Or maybe they mean Hollywood from the 1986 Andrew McCarthy/Kim Cattrall vehicle, Mannequin. Yeah, it’s the kind of secret he’d probably know AND struggle to keep quiet about.

So Top Gun, when it doesn’t have oiled, topless men diving around, playing volleyball; innuendo-filled dialogue (”You can be my wingman anytime” … “You can be mine!”); or the least connvincing love scenes ever now finds itself with a lesbian actress playing the main flight instructor. Why was a woman teaching all this “macho” men how to be fighter pilots anyway? I can’t remember. The last two times I’ve watched Top Gun has been with the sound on mute so I could play my iPod instead. Seriously.

Oh, in answer to the question in the title – of course there’s something straight about the movie! Raging hetero Tom Cruise, of course!

And, as an aside: the soundtrack’s darn good.

• Daily Mail: ‘I’m a lesbian,’ declares Top Gun actress Kelly McGillis

The popstar is rumoured to have her heart set on starring as Wallis, whose affair with King Edward VIII – the Queen’s uncle -  sparked a royal crisis after he abdicated his throne to marry her.

Madonna reportedly ’sees similarities’ between herself and the twice-divorced beauty as they were both from the U.S. and married Englishmen.

This is – to use a…word – spectacular. It must be fantastic to be someone like Madonna, to get an idea in your head, and then to just go out and do it. And it must be especially awesome to to want to do something which, in many ways, is so similar to your own life. I mean, the Daily Mail only specify that both Madonna and Wallis Simpson were from America and both married English guys. They didn’t go on to point out that both were women; both have the letter ‘a’ in their first name; both have been to France; both married into British royalty; and both have dated Dennis Rodman. [Note to self: fact-check the last two points.]

This leads me nicely into the fact that I have my heart set on playing Susan in a remake of Desperately Seeking Susan. Susan, of course, was played by Madonna. I see similarities with Madonna, as we both want to star as other people in movies.

Because, and only because, I have my heart set on making my own version of Desperately Seeking Susan, production on the movie with commence next week.

It’s really that easy, folks. Follow your dreams.

• BBC News: Madonna ‘to star as American mistress to former Prince of Wales’

Funnily enough, “3 Become 4″ was actually going to be an updated version of the Spice Girls classic “2 Become 1″ for the 2000s, what with them all having sprogs, and in particular prompted by single-mum Mel B having Eddie Murphy’s baby, and then getting married, thus turning her 3-person family in a 4-person one. Posh vetoed it, what with her and Becks plus three kids making 5 people, as she said she’d feel funny singing it, which is ironic seeing as she doesn’t sing. True story.

Ahem. Back to the title of this post. The Charlie’s Angels movies are apparently set to have a third film of the series made, according to Drew Barrymore. Or what she actually said was:

I’m so into it—Charlie’s Angels III!

Which actually just sounds like the random kind of comment I would make. “I’m definitely going to dress up as Cher for a whole week!” or “Cats! I need to get more cats in this room! Right now!!” or “When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re going to see some serious shit!”. It doesn’t mean I’m actually going to do any of those things, like, ever.

In fairness to Drew, she is star and producer of the Charlie’s Angels movies. I guess her quote might actually lead to another movie.

The third Charlie’s Angel movie might also feature the introduction of a fourth Angel! How exciting…

Wait a sec…ooh, ooooh! Fourth Angel? Pick me! Pick me!! Okay, wait, this I am definitely going to do…

• EOnline.com: Drew Barrymore: More Charlie’s Angels, Please!

In what’s being described as the awesomest thing to happen EVER, reports from the U.S. suggest that a movie of the brilliant TV show Arrested Development is close to being made. Creator Mitch Hurwitz and producer Ron Howard (who also narrated the show) have settled on a deal to make a big-screen version.

My love for this show is only beaten by my bafflement as to why the show was a ratings failure. Really, people, stop watching dross like American Idol and X Factor and start watching stuff like this. (Except you can’t because it isn’t shown anymore. Ha! That’s your punishment.)

You know, I bet Barack Obama watches Arrested Development. It’s probably his favourite show. Or maybe second favourite, behind Flight of the Conchords. Totally. He strikes me as that kind of guy.

Here’s a bunch of characters doing “The Chicken Dance”.

P.S. The title of this post is the dialogue from my favourite clip of the programme. It may not seem like much in written form – but go buy the first series and watch it.

• BBC News: Arrested Development film ‘close’

And it’s important that we, the people of earth, keep Dane Cook happy. Don’t ask my why, you don’t need to know the details. We just do.

Now you’re wondering, “Who the hell is Dane Cook?” Well, he’s a comedy actor and he kind of dated Jessica Simpson. Aaaaand that’s pretty much all he’s done in his life.

Oh, hang on a sec, he did something else. A while back, he wrote a funny post on his own MySpace page, trashing the poster of latest movie My Best Friend’s Girl. Cook basically disected the poster in a Photoshop Disasters kind of way. Here’s the poster:

And here’s Dane Cook’s comments: My Best Friend’s Girl Poster – Lead Dane Cook Hates It!

He’ll be pleased to learn that the posters for the movie over here in Britain ave been changed! Phew. Here it is:

What I can deduce from looking at this poster is that:

• Jason Biggs plays a character who is permanently panicked. (Given he has the same expression in the other poster.)
• Jason Biggs also looks like he’s saying, “You want me to do WHAT? To WHERE on your body??! I don’t know how to do that!!”
• Jason Biggs is very small, Dane Cook is middly, Kate Hudson is massive.
• Kate Hudson was late for the photo, and swept in at the last minute causing her dress to nearly fall off.
• The movie poster people now hate Dane Cook. given his blogging, and as revenge have drawn devil horns and a goatee on him before printing the poster and distributing it all over the UK.
• Dane Cook wears a lot of black, possibly in mourning for this movie.
• Any film that has a review from the Daily Star on its poster – yeah, don’t bother.
• What IS Alec Baldwin doing in this movie?

Fin.

Indeed, what could Halle Berry – one of the world’s most beautiful women and a fine actress (mostly, anyway) possibly be voted as by men’s magazine Esquire? My top guesses were:

• Best Snail
• Top Makeup Wearer
• Awesomest Use of Eyes
• World’s Greatest Retro Computer User
• No. 1 iPhone Application Creator

But no! It’s none of these! Halle has instead been voted “Sexiest Woman Alive” by Esquire readers. I know, weird, huh?

• BBC News: Berry voted ’sexiest woman alive’