Tag Archives: Music

Exactly how much money does Jon Bon Jovi have?

Crazy, Music, Rock Stars

It’s a question I often think about…when I’m not debating this topic with my friends, or mulling it over with my plants. I mean, he has written and performed some the greatest songs of all time (Livin’ On A Prayer; You Give Love A Bad Name; Wanted Dead Or Alive, the keyboard-tastic Runaway…and other songs not from the 80s) which must have at least earnt him twenty quid by now. Like many of us, he’s got a part-time job on the side – he’s dabbled with acting (e.g. Ally McBeal) which has given him a bit of extra dosh. And, let’s face it, he’s got awesome hair and teeth which probably means that people just throw money at him all the time.

Well, someone out there thinks Jon Bon is clearly *LOADED*. Not just loaded or LOADED, but *LOADED*. A guy called Samuel Bartley Steele from Boston (the city, not the 70s band) is suing Jon Bon Jovi for $400 billion. Yes, really, $400 billion. $400 BILLON. *$400 BILLION* Is this guy perhaps a world leader in disguise that’s realised they don’t actually have the funds for their intended financial crisis solution and so is instead resorting to suing rock stars?

Dude, youre suing me for how much?!
Dude, you’re suing me for how much?!

Anyways, the reasoning behind the madness is that Steele claims Jon Bon Jovi stole the lyrics and chorus from one of his songs. Steele’s song is called (Man I Really) Love This Team, Bon Jovi’s is I Love This Town. Team, town, if they both love something, the should be happy…no?

But what if the joke’s on us, and Jon Bon Jovi really does have that much money? I’m beginning to wonder now. I had a crush on this guy back in the 90s. Did I make a mistake in growing up and stopping my teenage obsession, and not going on to marry him like I thought I would? Uh oh.

Let me think that over whilst watching the excellent Runaway, as mentioned above. I don’t think they used enough smoke machines, though…

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkGOxMyy55c]

You can always count on rock legends

Music, Transport

Over the weekend, Iron Maiden lead singer Bruce Dickinson came to the rescue of some unlucky holidaymakers who were stranded in Sharm el-Sheikh and Kos when the travel company XL went bust. Good ol’ Bruce piloted a plane to the Egyptian resort, flew back to England, had a quick sleep, then went out to Kos to rescue some more British tourists that were stuck on the holiday island.

Youre facing the wrong way!!
You’re facing the wrong way!!

Most newspaper reports of this story helpfully add that Bruce is a “fully-qualified Boeing 757 pilot” (e.g. The Mirror) which is awesome! Not only is a helpful guy, but he’s also trained to fly planes! What a brilliant coincidence.

Unfortunately, it might not be so good for said pilot:

…Marc Cryer, on Bruce’s chartered Monarch flight from Sharm el-Sheikh on Saturday, was alone in his awe at being rescued by such a famous captain of rock.

Marc said: “I was stunned – though nobody else seemed to know who he was. I must have been his one fan on the trip.

Tut, where are Iron Maiden fans when you need them? Well, clearly not stranded in Sharm el-Sheikh…

I hope this is the start of trend in society – rock legends generally coming to the rescue. I understand that Robert Plant of Led Zepplin is putting together a funding package to help struggling airline Alitalia. Joe Elliott of Def Leppard is considering digging deep to help some of them employees of Lehman Brothers. Jon Bon Jovi will start a weekly column in The Sun to help readers through the credit crunch. And Coldplay’s Chris Martin will pen a whiny piano song about the whole thing.

The Bitch Is Back

Award Ceremonies, Bad Behaviour, Lily Allen,

Lily Allen and Elton John got into a bit of a bitch-fight last night whilst co-presenting the GQ Men of the Year Awards. Lily, wearing a totally over-the-top gown and a unusually ridiculous hairstyle, was knocking back the champagne throughout the cermony, even keeping a bottle of it hidden under the presenters’ podium. Elton, wearing a boring old suit but sporting his usual ridiculous hair, was sober all evening. (Probably. He’s a boring old rocker. There’ll all sober these days.)

Here’s the best exchange of the night:

Lily: And now the most important part of the night…

Elton: What? Are you going to have another drink?

Lily: F*ck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me.

Elton: I could still snort you under the table.

Lily: F*ck off. I don’t know what you are talking about.

 Here’s ten pointers for Lily Allen:

  1. Don’t argue with music legends, everyone will hate you.
  2. Don’t argue with someone well known for throwing tantrums; whatever you do, he’ll be able to throw an even bigger strop.
  3. Improve your arguing skills in general – you need to make snappier comebacks.
  4. There’s a limit to how many times you can say “f*ck off” in the space of 5 seconds.
  5. Your last comment is poor. You might just as well have gone “URRRR!! WHATEVA!!!!”
  6. Stop being annoying.
  7. The public aren’t going to wait forever for a second album.

Well, there’s seven anyway. The other three Lily’ll have to work out on her own. I can’t do everything for her.

Okay, who over-ordered on the Estelle CDs?!

Music, Music Videos, Uncategorized

Estelle – she of American Boy fame with Le Kanye – has had her album taken off U.S. iTunes, thereby causing it and the hit single to plummet down the American charts. American Boy was at number 11 on the Billboard chart, but has now fallen to number 37. Her album has base-jumped down to number 159. (Although its high was only a “distinctly average” – as Simon Cowell would say – 38.)

It’s all down to her album company, Warner. They want people to buy the whole album, rather than individual songs. iTunes is pretty nifty in the way that you can buy individual songs – even individual album tracks – without having to fork out for the whole thing. Except it doesn’t quite work as well if no one buys the album anymore.

My theory is that someone accidentally got too many Estelle CDs producing by typing in a couple more zeros than necessary on the order. Oops. Now they’re desperately trying to shift them. Expect Ebay to be flooded with them soon.

If you’re in America and can no longer buy the song in iTunes: why not just sit in front of your computer all day and watch it on YouTube? It’s free! Fantastic! Screw you, Warner!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VbzEqXaThY]

How Not To Sample (Music)

Cover Versions, Music, Music Videos

Following on from the incredibly successful television show, What Not To Wear, TV style guru Gok Wan introduces his latest offering, How Not To Sample, in which he advises up-and-coming bands on where they’ve gone wrong in sampling classic hit music.

I kid, of course. But if this was a real show, the first group he’d be helping would be hot young things (apparently), The Saturdays. Their new single, “If This Is Love”, samples the completely excellent 80s hit “Satisfaction” by Yazoo. But it samples it badly. The song uses the same tiny intro bit repeated over and over. On top of that, the five girls (two of whom used to be in S Club 8…snooze…) sing words the medley of which doesn’t really appear to be related to anything. It’s like when kids make up their own song on the spot.

Take a look at the video, which is equally unexciting:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbC3CqyYMtI]

The Saturdays get ready for a performance in a shop window (in Miss Selfridge on the corner of Oxford Street and Great Portland Street, by the look of things), then strut and lounge around in said window in a sort of moving mannequin-type display. (Which isn’t a patch on the Samantha-from-Sex-and-the-City-comes-to-life in Mannequin.)

Upon completeing their performance, they receive a completely over-the-top response from the crowd outside and their own crew. Which is weird; the crowd on the street presumably didn’t hear them very well through the glass, and their own people wouldn’t have heard them that well either seeing as they were backstage. What is everyone clapping about? That they wore dresses well?!

Let’s ignore them and listen to Yazoo’s original instead:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPiMbg4yVWk&feature=related]

Now that, is a song.

And a proper music video, come to think about it.

The 80s are back – true story

Music

Popular beat combo Keane have unveiled their new song, Spiralling, and it’s a bit of a departure from their previous material. Scratch that – it’s a hell of a departure from their previous material. It sounds like a random mixture of every new wave band of the early 80s – part Psychedelic Furs, part David Bowie, part…all those other new wave bands…

Keane: The new Tears For Fears
Keane: The new Tears For Fears

The song is available to download for free (!) from Keane Music until Monday 11th August.

Or rather, it’s probably available to download from there. I’ve entered in my email to get the song sent to me and – 24 hours later – it hasn’t arrived. Why do you hate me so, band members of Keane? Is it because I spilt green paint on your pet rabbit in March 2006??

Greatest Puzzles of the 21st Century

Music, Music Videos

From Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger – yeah, what is that on Joey’s head?

Take a look at the evidence. Here’s Chad, urging you to take a look at this photograph, because everytime he does it makes him laugh. (That’s a pretty lame reason for looking at a photograph, if you ask me.)

There you go, that’s Joey on the right. It looks like he’s got a beer keg on his head, although that seems a bit possible because surely his neck wouldn’t be able to support such a weight? Unless…it’s an empty beer keg? *gasps* Alternatively, it also kind of looks like he’s got a stack of those metallic cases used to store film reels.

Oh Joey, why do you do such crazy things?!