Today’s Best Headline

From BBC News:

Normally I’d write a bit more in a blog entry – make a wise crack, explain what the eff’s going on, blabber on about the 1980s, mouth off about Simon Cowell – that kind of thing.

But this doesn’t need any of that. All of us can just sit back and smile, safe in the knowledge that a Def Leppard cartoon is – FINALLY – about to be made.

Phew.

Why have I not come across this before??!

Technically, I haven’t stumbled upon this *right* now. In fact, I found it via  a link on a page that was linked to on another page that was linked to in a comment of a blog that I found when clicking on a link on a page. And this all took place just after my last blog post – over a month ago. But this is so truly amazing that it’s taken me a month to recover from freaking out near daily.

And it’s all related to my last post – Patrick Bateman based on Tom Cruise, so says Christian Bale. Which somehow led me to find this beautiful video:

 

 Beautiful.

Tom Cruise is….Patrick Bateman?

This is best thing I’ve read all year. Well, all month. Day. Hour. Okay, the best thing I’ve read whilst I’m waiting for my washing machine to finish.

Director of American Psycho, Mary Harron, revealed in a recent magazine interview how she and lead actor Christian Bale worked on establishing the character, Patrick Bateman. After talking at length in various phone calls, Bale one day revealed seeing someone that would help establish the kind of person Patrick Bateman was.

Tom Cruise.

I totally see it. This makes me like American Psycho, Christian Bale and Patrick Bateman a little bit more. Heck, it even makes me like Tom Cruise. Well, only because I’m now imagining that he’s Patrick Bateman.

I don’t know if this is the interview because my two seconds of research don’t reveal when it’s from, but it sure could be. His laughing is mesmerising. Especially laughing about cutting someone’s oxygen supply off.

Dlisted: This Makes Sense

Crazy Amy Winehouse

We all know Amy Winehouse lives in Crazyville. She’s spent the better part of the last two years overdoing the drink and drugs during which time her only bit of work seemed to be fighting strangers in pubs. She wears a hairstyle so high that several small birds – and possibly a few eagles, goats and Ronnie Corbett – live in there. She’s obsessed with a seemingly useless and actually quite ugly husband (or is it ex-husband – who knows?) when she really could do better.

And now’s she bought herself new boobs. For £35,000. Now, Amy, I’ve never had a boob job myself and nor have I ever investigated the possibility. But I had always thought that you could get a boob job for a few thousand pounds these days. For all I know, it’s probably even only £50 + Ryanair return tickets (so, £50.99)  in Eastern Europe. So for £35,000, I can only assume:

a) she’s been totally had – the doctors figured – hey, if she’s that out of it, what will she notice if we charge her a figure with an extra “zero” in it?
b) her new breasts are made of gold
c) or possibly coke
d) her old boobs were in such a sorry state she needed that amount of work done to them

I don’t like the idea of that last one. Grrr. I’m going to have that image in my head all night. :(

It’s Not Fair, Lily Allen

Lily Allen’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it singing career is over, apparently – and it’s her choice. In a post on her now removed blog about file-sharing/piracy/illegal downloading/we’re all evil and should be punished , she stated:
Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record. I do, however, remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade.

Well, okay – what she’s actually saying is that she’s currently not about to record a new album. That doesn’t mean she isn’t going to. I currently have no plans have a snack, juggle knives, stop trying to stay awake, or star in a big-budget Hollywood movie. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to do any of these things at some point in my life…year…day.

More amusingly, however, are reasons why her blog on illegal downloading has disappeared. Not only was some of the content lifted (or rather, just not properly attributed, as she later claimed) from elsewhere (Techdirt), and not only did it feature “illegal” scans of newspaper articles, but her website contains – or did contain – “mixtapes” made by her a few years ago, featuring snippets of music, used without permission, of course, from other artists.

Oops. I really don’t agree with her stance on illegal file sharing for various reasons, but I suppose she should be commended for taking a stance on something she, supposedly, is strongly against. But maybe she should have thought “it” (her blog; being so vocal on the matter) through a  little more. Especially because, as a young singer that’s only been a popular artist for the last few years, she’s bound to have got where she is today by people illegally downloading her music and getting to find out who she is.

Plus, if you get someone like Lily Allen banging on about illegal music downloading on a makeshift blog, you just know everyone’s going to jump on it and try and catch her out in any way possible. Which they did. Ooops.

You’re my Halo, Florence and the Machine

This happened aaaaages ago but, y’know, I can’t possibly write about properly current events as it’s a little passe and anyway, it’s much more fun rehashing stuff ages after it’s happened. (Tomorrow’s post: new technological advancement called “The Internetz” will allow you to look at FREE pictures of cats with funny captions in the privacy of your own home.)

But here’s Florence off of Florence and The Machine doing a cover of Beyon’ce’s (that’s a spelling mistake, but I like it – Ms Knowles should consider using it) Halo from Jo Whiley’s Live Lounge back in June. It took place on the 24th June, in fact – the day before Michael Jackson died. Coincidence? I think not.

Am I alone in thinking this is one of the worst, most painful cover versions…EVER? I don’t deny Florence is talented and that she normally has a good voice when doing her own songs, and that she’s got that whole unusual vocal/slightly different sound/kooky image thing going on that’s refreshing and new if Kate Bush hadn’t have existed.

According to Wikipedia (so who know’s if this is true or not – but having a vague memory of the show and the listener comments that came in that day, I suspect it is):

…host Jo Whiley stated that it was one of the best covers they have ever had in the Live Lounge.

And I think…really? Really? Am I listening to the same thing? Do I have my computer speakers on a “bad singing” setting? Are the foxes playing up in the garden again? Has my hearing gone all wrong? Is everyone mental? Are people being too polite to say anything?

Oh God, it’smy hearing, isn’t it? Oh no…noooooooooo….

Noel Gallagher quits Oasis; the nation says “meh”

The BBC News ticker keeps telling me that Noel Gallagher has reportedly left Oasis, according to the Oasis website (which won’t load; I guess all five of us have broken it by trying to access it at the same time). I’d nearly give a shit were I not watching coverage of Kings of Leon from Reading and thinking that they’re pretty freakin’ awesome.

If you can’t be in a “top” rockband and get on with your bandmates, maybe you should give your fans of your many millions back? And if you can’t get on with your “kid” brother, maybe you should just have a scrap in the backyard and break his Barbie doll, or something.

It’s a sad day, I tell you. But we’ll get over it. After all, Peter Andre’s making a comeback. And I hear Michael Bolton’s working on a new album.

What’s Sanch from Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place doing in Madonna’s new video?

Madonna’s released a “teaser” clip from her upcoming video and song – because, you know, we just can’t wait until it’s actually out. Here it is:

This may be one of the funniest things I’ve seen. SERIOUSLY. My initial thoughts were exactly as this post’s title – and I’m obviously not referring to the younger guy in the video, who is in fact Madonna’s toy boy, Jesus Luz. (Get over yourself, woman. The guy’s a model. You don’t have to give him a career.)

I mean the other guy. Okay, so it’s not Sanch but actually Paul Oakenfold. BUT WHAT IS HE DOING? Is he having some kind of fit? Is he on one of those Power Plate workout machines? Has a child of his recently given birth to a child – which is why he’s dancing like a grand-dad? Why does he look like such a moron? Who thought this would look good in the final cut of the video? Ohhh…

Maybe Madonna had a falling out with him…and MEANT to show him like that. Ohhh…

Mr & Mrs Beyonce tan, swim, get into a fight in Croatia

Never underestimate the patronising nature of the tabloids…for, trying to describe Beyonce and Jay-Z’s holiday in Croatia this week, the Daily Mail states that:

while her chart contemporaries have been spending the summer sailing around the traditional showbiz haunts of St Tropez and Portofino, Beyonce has broken out and visit [sic] one of Europe’s newest and trendiest hotspots

Wow, what a brave girl! Whilst other celebs are holidaying in “proper” holiday destinations, the brave lass has dragged along her husband to this practically unknown country. I’ve heard people in Croatia live in brick houses, drive four-wheeled cars, eat food and sleep on beds. (Though how can a place be both “new” and “trendy”? And I suppose it’s new only if you pretend the last ten years or so of mass tourism haven’t happened.)

Anyways, so – post dinner in Dubrovnik, the couple and their bodyguard get into an altercation with a paparazzo which saw the photog throw his tripod at their bodyguard (hey, aren’t those things expensive?) who then promptly threw it into the Adriatic sea.

Bodyguard/paparazzi fighting isn’t big or clever, kids, though it can sometimes seem a little bit funny. It also sounds like it could be Sacha Baron Cohen’s next film – “DRAGAN: Don’t mess with this Eastern European paparazzo.”