Doctor, who?

A very exciting news report emerged from the BBC! About Doctor Who! Are you ready?

Doctor doctor, cant you hear us calling, calling?
Doctor doctor, can’t you see I’m burning, burning?

The new Doctor who will be…

*deep breath*

…announced later today! Wowee!!

Pah. I mean, come on! Couldn’t they have just announced which actor will be the next Doctor without having a pre-announcement?

But this does give us some time to reflect on some likely candidates. Here’s my top ten list:

  1. Billie Piper Well, everyone seems really excited about her possibly playing the Doctor, and she was very good as his assistant, so it does kind of make sense etc etc blah blah blah.
  2. Who’s Who In a TV first, the main character will be played by a book. Newspaper reports will, in future, always refer to the tome as Doctor Who’s Who’s Who.
  3. David Tennant In a really random twist of fate, David Tennant will be replacing himself as the Time Lord. David, 37, will be succeeded by David, 26, in a real-life episode where he travels back in time 11 years and brings his younger self to 2009 to replace himself.
  4. The Tardis And why not? It transports the Doctor round on all his adventures, so why don’t they just cut out any human element travelling inside it?
  5. A Dalek This will be a bit like Terminator 2. In the first Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger played the bad guy, sent back in time to destroy Sarah Connor. In the second film, he’s the good guy, sent back in time to protect Sarah Connor. So how about one Dalek renouncing his bad Dalek-ness, and becoming the Time Lord? And then fighting against his old Dalek mates? Ooooh, by the way, who’s totally excited about the new Terminator movie this year?! Me! Me!
  6. Talking of which – Christian Bale. Well he seems to be playing every other major character at the moment, so he may as well go ahead an play Doctor Who too.
  7. David Coverdale Hey, why not? This is my list, I can say who I want. Get your own list if you don’t agree.
  8. Doctor Fox He’s already a doctor, so he wouldn’t have to take any exams or earn any qualifications like all Doctor Who actors must do, I presume, in order to play the role. Talking of which, when did DJ Neil Fox drop the “Doctor” from his name?
  9. A cat Any cat. My cat, your cat, this cat, that cat. Because cats rule. And then, instead of any dialogue, they should just have giant captions on screen in the style of I Can Has Cheezburger.
  10. Patterson Joseph He’s apparently the favourite to take over the role. And I say, but of course – he’s Johnson from Peep Show!! Johnson from Peep Show can do EVERYTHING! It would be even better if Patterson Joseph played Doctor Who AS Johnson from Peep Show. That would rock.

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