So, yesterday Jay-Z, or maybe his people, or his record company, or possibly his pet parakeet, got the excellent Newport State Of Mind – the parody of the almost as good Empire State Of Mind – taken off YouTube. BOOOOOO says most of the country…probably.

If you’re having withdrawal symptoms (I know I am) then along comes Wales’ seventh most popular rap group to save the day! Goldie Lookin’ Chain – or GLC as they seem to be known these days – have decided to make their own reply-slash-parody of Newport State Of Mind, entitled Newport State Of Mind (You’re Not From Newport). I see what they did there. Anyway, here it is:

Now, this new video raises several points and questions:

1. Who didn’t watch Newport State Of Mind (let’s call it NSOM) and think, “Isn’t this Goldie Lookin’ Chain? Oh maybe not…there’s not 15 of them, and this is actually quite good.”
2. This version is pretty crap.
3. And not very funny.
4. And a bit pointless.
5. And I bet most people knew the places (Welsh Assembly, the DVLA) and celebrities named in NSOM weren’t actually in or from Newport but let’s face it, what or who is? So you’ve got to include some general names in it as well and if you get great phrases and lines like “Craig to the Bellamy” and “Tom Jones Steve Zones Zeta Jones Traffic Cones Make sure you park in the designated parking zones” then quite frankly, I don’t care.
6. Never thought Newport was the Hollywood of Wales but, blimey, GLC’s video makes it look like the arsehole of Wales.
7. So?? SO?? Is Josie frickin’ D’Arby from Newport or what?!?
8. GLC’s chorus says “You’re not from Newport, probably never been here either, I’ll bet you a fiver” which is strange…BECAUSE THE VIDEO OF NSOM IS CLEARY FILMED IN NEWPORT SO THEY’VE OBVIOUSLY BEEN LIKEDURRRRRURSODUMB. Though if they’re talking to me personally then yeah, they’re right – I’ve haven’t ever been to Newport.
9. What’s the bit on the inside of your knee called? Mine’s called Matthew.