Monthly Archives: January 2009

Best news story…EVER!

I know what you’re  thinking. You’re thinking, “Hmmm, the best story, EVER? It must surely involve a cat in some way.” And of course, you would be right. Because the best stories always involve cats – FACT.

A postman in Somerset has begun doing part of his rounds with a neighbourhood cat called Charlie. The cat jumped in the postman, Nick Lock’s, bag one rainy day and has now been “helping” him out most days since. Kind of like a real life Postman Pat and his black-and-white cat, Jess.

Life imitating art
Life imitating art

By “helping”, I do of course mean running the whole show. Charlie the cat just lets his human think he’s in charge.

It does make me think…I wish I lived in Somerset. They’ve probably got cats serving in pubs, driving taxis, running the local council and more down there.

He shoots, he scores, he’s blantantly not going back to LA

Why David Beckham ever decided to go an play for LA Galaxy whilst he still reasonably young, I’ve no idea. I mean, sure, go over to American and play “soccer” when you’re 39 and clearly over the hill and never going to be called up for the national team again. But not when you’re 33, eh? Although it probably wasn’t his idea. VICTORIA, STOP TRYING TO RUIN YOUR HUSBAND’S CAREER!

Anyways, David Beckham scored his first goal for his new club, AC Milan – where he’s “only on loan for three months” – yesterday. And a pretty nice goal, too. Well done, Derek.

[youtube:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-hVf658cEnw] 

Charlie’s Angels – when 3 become 4

Funnily enough, “3 Become 4″ was actually going to be an updated version of the Spice Girls classic “2 Become 1″ for the 2000s, what with them all having sprogs, and in particular prompted by single-mum Mel B having Eddie Murphy’s baby, and then getting married, thus turning her 3-person family in a 4-person one. Posh vetoed it, what with her and Becks plus three kids making 5 people, as she said she’d feel funny singing it, which is ironic seeing as she doesn’t sing. True story.

Ahem. Back to the title of this post. The Charlie’s Angels movies are apparently set to have a third film of the series made, according to Drew Barrymore. Or what she actually said was:

I’m so into it—Charlie’s Angels III!

Which actually just sounds like the random kind of comment I would make. “I’m definitely going to dress up as Cher for a whole week!” or “Cats! I need to get more cats in this room! Right now!!” or “When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re going to see some serious shit!”. It doesn’t mean I’m actually going to do any of those things, like, ever.

In fairness to Drew, she is star and producer of the Charlie’s Angels movies. I guess her quote might actually lead to another movie.

Back off, bitch
Back off, bitch

The third Charlie’s Angel movie might also feature the introduction of a fourth Angel! How exciting…

Wait a sec…ooh, ooooh! Fourth Angel? Pick me! Pick me!! Okay, wait, this I am definitely going to do…

Ab Fab heading to America

Not that I want to be negative or anything, but the news that Absolutely Fabulous is being re-made for American television doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence. Seeing as it’s being created for network television station FOX, they’re probably going to strip out all the vulgarity, crudeness, drunkeness, references to bad behaviour, kookiness, the chain smoking sex, old people (so out goes both Edina’s mother AND Patsy) and frumpy daughters until you’re left with two woman that know each other discussing stuff whilst sitting in a kitchen.

Wheres the Bolly?
Where’s the Bolly?

Moreover, Edina Monsoon strikes me as being exceptionally British. I can’t even begin to comprehend that an American version of her would work well…if at all. A vapid, ditsy, mean, self-important, trend-driven but incredibly funny socialite woman? Gotta be British!

The more I think about it, the more I think this is probably the worst choice of show that could possibly be remade for American TV. Seriously, they might as well make their own version of Eastenders – even that would work better.

Just leave it, FOX!

The Mystery of Kate Moss’s “Party”

It was Kate Moss’s birthday last week. She turned 51. Happy Birthday Kate!

Birthday Girl Kate
Birthday Girl Kate

Kate Moss, as well all know, is one of the very few people in the world to have a birthday. Of those, she’s the only one that celebrates with something called a “party”. I’m not entirely sure what this “party” is, but according to what I’ve seen in the press it seems to involve people that she knows and is related to, as well as the obligatory ugly boyfriend, gathering together. These people dress up in nice clothes, and make merry throughout the evening. They listen to music. They drink booze. They do, er, other stuff. Wow, this “party” thing sounds like fun!

Suspiciously, though – this big bash took place at Kate’s house over the weekend. We had plenty of photos last week of drink and decorations and a dead pig (seriously; for a hog roast) being taken into her house, pre-party. But not one photo or article has appeared in the papers yesterday or today, showing us or telling us what went on. Most years there has been plenty of post-party pics – including ones of drunk female guests (hello, Sadie Frost!) flashing their boobs (accidentally…probably).

But nada this year. What happened?! Are the guests alive?

Weird, huh?

Lady GaGa…not really all that?

It’s a sure sign that you’re getting on a bit when a song gets to number one in the charts and you think, “What on earth’s that? I’ve never even heard it!” Alas, such thoughts popped into my head last Sunday when I discovered that Lady GaGa was number one in the UK with her Let’s Dance.

Now, this lady has been creating quite a stir in London this week as she’s been parading around our streets wearing some rather interesting outfits. She’s over here to, er, do something. Here’s one such outfit:

I can see your pants!!
I can see your pants!!

Now, I take a look at that and think “Hmm, she was wearing that on a cold winter’s day, but she’s clearly devoted to fashion. This woman is fierce. Fresh. Futuristic. Fabulous. And probably f***ing freezing too.” So, all of those ‘f’s (apart from the last one, obviously) makes me think that, musically, she’d be really cutting-edge and excitingly new and hot. And then I heard her song, the one that’s currently number one in the UK:

[youtube:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=M65zI9LH-as]

And then I thought to myself, “Wow. What a rather bland pop song. I have heard this before. I just thought it was by some really nondescript girl band. Oh.”

Good video, though.

It’s Monday! Video Time!

I often wished I was living through the 80s right now…not that you might have guessed that or anything, I’ll bet. If I was living through the 80s right, I’d either be a pop start or direct music videos. If I was one or the other, than all my music videos would have sharp dressing; lots of split screens (like a modern day 24, don’cha think?!); freeze frames; massive gesturing; big hair; lines; and inexplicable little bits – a child drawing? A crowd running through a forest? People measuring the circumference of trees? Sure, anything goes!

[youtube:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pCqkHbn9ANo]

Revisiting Goop

Back in whenever, I blogged about Gwyneth Paltrow’s new website, Goop. Back then, it was literally just a page with some pretty icons and a brief paragraph by Gwynnie. Well, turns out the sly little minx has actually been doing some work on the site…damn her! How dare she actually add content! You’re going to get a bad name around us website owners, missy.

Anyways, Gwyn has this week presented a detox diet for us to follow. Why? Well, in her own words:

It is that time of year, folks. I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess.

Yeah right, holiday excess? She ate two slices of wholegrain, low calorie, low fat, low sodium, low sugar, low taste, low coloured, non-existant toast over the Christmas period? I can’t possibly imagine that she actually gorged on chocolates and mince pies and cake and drank so much champagne on Christmas Day that she was already passed out by the time the Queen’s speech came on.

Anyways, the answer to losing these pounds is to detox. And Gwyneth has helpfully supplied us with a detox diet that she’ll be using, so we can follow it too! Here’s day one from the detox:

7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Blueberry and Almond Smoothie
11:30am: Coconut water*
1:30pm (lunch): Salad with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): A handful of mixed pumpkin and sunflower seeds
6pm (dinner): Broccoli and Arugula Soup
*Make sure that the coconut water has no added sugar. Fresh is ideal but the brands Zico or Vita Coco are readily available.

Okay, if I rise at 7am and don’t have breakfast til 10, several people will be stabbed in the ear during those hours. And then if all I get the rest of the day is salad and soup, well…puppies and kittens will be smushed together and burned.

Oh, just to point out – that tip about no added sugar in the coconut water? That’s not for health reasons. It’s because Chris Martin is fueled on that same sugar, so the more we consume…they less there will be of him. Think about that for a minute.

Below is what actual goop looks like. Maybe Gwyneth could add this to the detox plan?

Goopy goo
Goopy goo