Monthly Archives: July 2008

The Offiski

TV

File this under “awesome…I think”.

The Office is due to be remade in Russia, in 24 half-hour episodes, in a deal made between a Russian television network and BBC Worldwide. The Russian version can follow its own plot.

In an exciting tidbit of information, BBC News reports:

No details of the new show’s cast have yet been announced.

There are rumours, however, that the main David Brent-role will be played by Christian Bale (because he’s in everything these days), Dawn by Charlize Theron, TIm by Brad Pitt and Gareth is to be played by Corey Feldman. That last one’s a little of the wall, you may think. Hey, the Russians are like that.

I kid, of course. If the cast had been announced, I’m not sure it’d actually be of any interest to any non-Russians. Nevermind. I look forward to watching it on BBC 4.

Slow News Day?

Media

You know it’s a slow news day when the Daily Mail publish stories and pictures about (1) A breeze messing up Gwyneth Paltrow’s hair, (2) Lily Allen buying a standard lawnmower, and the Mail insinuating that she’s going to use it to grow weed, and (3) boring columnist Liz Jones hating loafers.

The last one is the clincher I think. It must also be a slow news in the graphics department, when they can’t even bother to get a new photo of Liz Jones to accompany the article…

And it’s cleary a slow news day here, if I’m bothering to write about Liz Jones. Oh, the shame.

Crispy Cristiano

Crazy, Sport

I’m not sure what kind of weird LA-with-mates-let’s-go-and-pick-up-lots-of-chicks-and-wear-really-dodgy-clothes-and-piss-off-Alex-Ferguson-as-much-as-possible holiday Cristiano Ronaldo is on, but there’s new pictures of him in the papers every day. They’re worse each day. And every day they want to make me want to vomit just that tiny bit more. (Phew! I’ve just used up my entire hyphen quota for the year!)

Here’s the latest of him turning a really weird and somewhat painful colour:

On the other hand, people haven’t been tanning with such abandon since the 70s…although his foot will be an incredibly comedy colour when his cast/weird sock thing comes off.

Here’s Amy on a fun day out with her parents…

Amy Winehouse, They tried to make me go to rehab

To lift her spirits a little bit what with all that drug stuff and the problems with Blake not let out of prison yet and not being able to sing properly anymore but mumbling instead (“You gah ba to heehhh and ahhh ga ba to blaaaaack…”), Amy Winehouse’s mum and dad took her on a day trip to Madame Tussauds wax museum in London today. Ahh, how nice. Nothing like a family trip, eh? And this was nothing like a family trip, badumtishthankyouverymush.

Janis and Mitch Winehouse posed with a wax figure of their daughter, that was unveiled at Madame Tussauds today. It’s one thing when celebrities themselves pose with their own wax figure, in a weird “here’s two versions of me, guess which one is real?!” way. But this someone seems a little creepier – “here’s us posing with a version of our “daughter” that isn’t brawling with people, screaming “Blaaake”, or with white powder up her nose. We’re so proud!”

And what’s also a little weird – we only know about Amy Winehouse’s parents because they’re always in the papers talking about her troubles. What, are they becoming “celebrities” in their own right?

 

By the way, it’s a pretty good waxwork, huh? Not like some of the really freaky stuff Madame Tussauds sometimes come up with.

Wardrobe Malfunction Fine Malfunctions

Bad Behaviour, Music, Sport, TV

This story really gets a Nelson-from-the-Simpsons style: ha ha!

CBS, broadcasters of the 2004 Superbowl during the half time of which Janet Jackson kind-of exposed her nipple, have had their fine thrown out by a US Appeal Court. The fine, of $550,000, was originally levied by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). According to the BBC News website:

The court said the FCC had traditionally fined broadcasters for indecent material only when it amounted to “shock treatment” for viewers.

In this case, the footage – lasting “nine-sixteenths of a second” – was too brief to merit such a penalty, it added.

Also according to the BBC, 90 million people saw the incident on TV. 90 million people seeing a nipple exposed for nine-sixteenths of a second?! This is mind-bogglingly shocking. This is also a little too much maths.

So, here’s some video of the incident. Be careful. This really might be the most shocking thing you ever see on the Internet, I’m warning you right now…

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOLbERWVR30]

Wow! This Is Bad!

Madonna, Wow! This is bad!

Yes, okay, so the actual song is pretty funky, and overall the video isn’t that bad:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-ZJ9gcIpIE]

But c’mon Madonna -PLEASE PUT YOUR CROTCH AWAY.

We get it, you look good for a woman of your age. But writhing around half-naked isn’t going to prove anything. It’s just going to disgust us.

Strictly Come Dancing – The “South American” Version

Strictly Come Dancing, TV

Both The Sun and The Daily Mail bring us very exciting news today – that foreign versions of Strictly Come Dancing aren’t hosted by Bruce Forsyth. NO! That’s not it! Silly me! The exciting news is actually that these foreign versions are ever so slightly raunchier than the UK one. Judging by the pictures in those papers and the videos on YouTube (seriously, you really may want to look this up), only one word can be used to describe this foreign Strictly… BUMS! Lots of them! Titled Bailando por un Sueño (Dancing For A Dream), the show seems to involved women dancing in pretty much the tiniest costumes ever.

The Sun reckons all this shocking behaviour happens in the Brazilian version, whilst the Daily Mail reckons it is in Argentina. One of these papers needs a geography lesson. I think this happens in Argentina.

The Sun also reports that Jordan and Peter may well take part in the next series of the UK show. The paper helpfully mocks up what they may look like on the show, as shown below:

Strictly Jordan Peter

Somewhat strange…since when do two of the celebrity participants ever dance together? Think, Sun, think.

Here I bring you my exclusive mock-up of Jordan and Peter on Strictly…

Strictly Jordan Peter

That’s Jordan on the right, in case you can’t figure it out.

By the way, Jordan would totally get paired with Brendon Cole on the show, wouldn’t she? *shudders*

*and vomits a bit*