We all know Amy Winehouse lives in Crazyville. She’s spent the better part of the last two years overdoing the drink and drugs during which time her only bit of work seemed to be fighting strangers in pubs. She wears a hairstyle so high that several small birds – and possibly a few eagles, goats and Ronnie Corbett – live in there. She’s obsessed with a seemingly useless and actually quite ugly husband (or is it ex-husband – who knows?) when she really could do better.
And now’s she bought herself new boobs. For £35,000. Now, Amy, I’ve never had a boob job myself and nor have I ever investigated the possibility. But I had always thought that you could get a boob job for a few thousand pounds these days. For all I know, it’s probably even only £50 + Ryanair return tickets (so, £50.99) in Eastern Europe. So for £35,000, I can only assume:
a) she’s been totally had – the doctors figured – hey, if she’s that out of it, what will she notice if we charge her a figure with an extra “zero” in it?
b) her new breasts are made of gold
c) or possibly coke
d) her old boobs were in such a sorry state she needed that amount of work done to them
I don’t like the idea of that last one. Grrr. I’m going to have that image in my head all night.
You really can.
- Mitch: He’s at the bottom of the stairs, and he’s ready to step in
Here’s a bit of background to why. The BBC’s local radio station in London is 94.9FM. Its afternoon slot. 3pm to 5pm, is normally hosted by Danny Baker (a comedy writer and TV “personality”, but most of us probably know him as part of the Chris Evans – Gazza – Danny Baker boozing trio in the 90s). He’s on his hols – how nice – so the radio station have hired a bunch of different people to host the show instead.
Today, that job falls to Mitch Winehouse, father of Amy (of course). 94.9FM have billed him as “London’s best known cabbie” which is strange – I mean he may be well-known (or “known”), but certainly not because he’s a cabbie! Does he get people to their destinations 2.76% faster than any other London cabbie? NO! Does he have the lowest fares of all London cabbies? NO! Does he give the best chat and advice on people’s journeys? NO!* We just know him cause he’s Amy’s dad.
*N.B. All of the above could actually be true. I suspect it isn’t.
But it’s great that he’s been so kind as to cover for Danny Baker. Over all, Mitch seems like a helpful kind of guy. Maybe he should setup a new business, Mitch Steps In, where he turns up to stuff that you can’t make. Can’t make your child’s school play? Mitch will go. Promised your friend you’d go to the Kanye West gig, but have now booked a holiday instead? Mitch will be there. Have a 9am meeting at work but are too hungover to go? Mitch’ll step in!
To lift her spirits a little bit what with all that drug stuff and the problems with Blake not let out of prison yet and not being able to sing properly anymore but mumbling instead (“You gah ba to heehhh and ahhh ga ba to blaaaaack…”), Amy Winehouse’s mum and dad took her on a day trip to Madame Tussauds wax museum in London today. Ahh, how nice. Nothing like a family trip, eh? And this was nothing like a family trip, badumtishthankyouverymush.
Janis and Mitch Winehouse posed with a wax figure of their daughter, that was unveiled at Madame Tussauds today. It’s one thing when celebrities themselves pose with their own wax figure, in a weird “here’s two versions of me, guess which one is real?!” way. But this someone seems a little creepier – “here’s us posing with a version of our “daughter” that isn’t brawling with people, screaming “Blaaake”, or with white powder up her nose. We’re so proud!”
And what’s also a little weird – we only know about Amy Winehouse’s parents because they’re always in the papers talking about her troubles. What, are they becoming “celebrities” in their own right?
By the way, it’s a pretty good waxwork, huh? Not like some of the really freaky stuff Madame Tussauds sometimes come up with.