Category Archives: Crazy

Crazy

The Knighted Chef

Crazy, TV

Every now and then along comes a scammer whose background story is so poor…you really have to wonder how anyone fell for it. Sure, these scammers usually prey on the poor weak or elderly who don’t really see that they’re being taken for a ride.

Clearly, American TV station The Food Network falls into the “weak and elderly” category. They’ve just sacked Robert Irvine, the presenter of their Dinner: Impossible TV show. Amongst other lies, Irvine had claimed to have helped make the wedding cake for Prince Charles and Diana’s wedding (creating “elaborate side panels” telling the history of the Royals); to have been knighted; and to have cooked for former US Presidents.

Now, I guess the latter technically could have been true, but let’s do a quick think about the first two items. Charles and Diana got married in 1981. Irvine is currently 42. That would have made him 15 at the time of the wedding. I don’t think the Royal Family are quite so stretched for cash that they have to get kids to make their wedding spread. (In fact, Irvine attended the school where the cake was made, but this actual contribution was “picking fruit and things like that”.)

Secondly, he’s a chef. He may be a good one, but he’s still just a chef that’s presumably only part-way through his career. No matter how well he cooks, I don’t think the Queen doles out knighthoods just because her dinner of spag bol was really tasty.

(Although maybe that’d be one way to get quicker and better service: “If you can deliver my sofa by Tuesday, one will give you a knighthood.”)

Food Network – next time you hire staff, do a quick check of their CV, yeah? Or maybe just run through the “facts” in your head, and see if they actually make sense?

Everyone Needs Knees!

Crazy, Fashion

Every so often tabloids, gossip magazines, The Economist (er, no, scratch that last one) go one about how ugly some famous woman’s knees are. They’re knees, for God’s sake! Everyone’s got bony knees! You tell me one person who’s got attractive knees, I’ll give you a pair of kneepads so you can hide your own ugly lumps.

The Daily Mail are at it today, pointing out how gruesome (i.e. not at all) Kate’s knees were on a recent night out.

Kate Moss
A rather ordinary pair of knees

They’re just knees, okay?? Calm down!

Brits excitement soars

Celebrity Parties, Crazy, Music

Brits 2008 

Well sort of.

News is filtering through about all the exciting possibilites for collaborations, performances and appearances at the Brits, held this Wednesday 20th February. Hosted by Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne (interesting choice – hope it works) there’s plenty of rumours flying around about who’s going to turn up, who’ll be on stage and who’ll be there with whom blah blah blah.

The Klaxons are apparently going to be the backing band fo Rihanna as she performs Umbrella (I hope they do a nice Golden Skans/Umbrella remix of “ooooooooh…ELLA”) whilst Amy Winehouse will perform her version of Valerie with Mark Ronson, as well as singing one of her own hits. Sir Paul McCartney will also be honoured with the Outstanding Contribution Award.

But forget all this, clearly the most exciting news is that Cheryl Cole is set to make her “big public comeback” at the Brits! My goodness! What will she wear? Who’ll she be with? Will she be wearing her wedding ring?? What’ll be…zzzz….

Anyways, all the above is irrelevant! All the viewing public want is a fight/water poured above an MP/Jarvis Cocker fake-mooning again! So if Cheryl Cole could get herself involved in something like that, she’d be onto a winner there.

And if you want to take part in all this excitement, you can! That’s right! I’ve giving away exclusive tickets to the event! Err, scratch that, I’m giving away an exclusive link to obtain tickets to the event! Oh, sod it, I’m just giving the Ticketmaster website.

Hoover fun round the Paltrow/Martin residence

Crazy

Chris Martin

The Sun reports that Chris Martin was spotted in the household appliance section of John Lewis department (The Sun has spied there??) buying not one, not two, but THREE Henry hoovers. He explained his purchases by saying

Some of them are gifts and one’s for me.

I love to do the housework. I don’t really see the point of getting someone else to do all your day-to-day chores.

That’s a really lame Christmas gift. No, really! Trust me. The hoovers are really unwieldly and heavy, making them hard to lug around the place, and their suction power is rather poor! I’d certainly be very disappointed if I received one of them from Mr Martin. I’d have wished he’d go for something a bit more modern, like a Dyson.

Having said that, Henry hoovers do have a very cool name. And wasn’t there another one in the series? I forget his name. Harvey Hoover? Hetty Hoover? Hannibel Hoover? Hey, that’d work!

Red Hot Chili Peppers get pissed off by TV show

Crazy, Music, TV

Red Hot Chili Peppers

 Hey, Chili Peppers, tell me about it! Just the other day I was watching Neighbours in the afternoon, and then that really annoying Doctors came on, with its creepily upbeat theme tune, and before I can capture even a moment of yet another boring storyline where nothing really happens, I grabbed the remote control, turned off TV and stormed off in a huff.

Seems the same thing has happened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. So much so, that they’re actually suing the American TV network Showtime. Wow, when they get annoyed, they get MAD!

Oh wait. That’s not right. Oh I see. Turns out that the band are actually pissed off because the TV network have stolen the name of both one of their most famous songs and one of their albums, Californication. Californication, the TV show, stars David Duchovny as a highly-sexed writer.

I’m pretty sure that when the TV show came out, almost everyone immediately thought of the Chili Peppers’ song. I certainly did. There might just be something in this lawsuit.

Big News – Pamela Anderson to Wed Again!

Crazy, Entertainment, Paris Hilton, TV

Pamela Anderson 

Okay, no, this really isn’t that big news at all…well, unless you’re a really, REALLY big fan of Baywatch and its alumni, or like crazy celebrity weddings. But Pamela Anderson is apparently thinking it’ll be third time lucky, as she and Rick Salomon (Paris Hilton’s co-star in, ahem, THAT video) have applied for a wedding license in Las Vegas.

Incidentally, it’ll also be a third marriage for him – Salomon has previously been married to Elizabeth Daily (voice of Babe the pig in the sequel, and of Tommy in Rugrats) and 90210-superbitch Shannen Doherty.

Wow, everything about this union screams class…

But what puzzles me is why this item is apparently a top entertainment news story on the BBC News website?! Should we expect to see this on TV news as well? I remember a few years back Oasis cancelled their tour of the US and flew back home, and that was one of the top news stories! Pah, grumpy Mancunians should not be top news.

Oh, and the BBC obviously don’t like Pamela Anderson – check out the photo they used of her. I know she’s getting er, older, but they can do better than that!

Update: Okay, having just searched through Google Images for Pamela Anderson pics, I now completely see the BBC’s problem. Cor, trying to find a “tasteful” pic amongst that lot was like trying to go through a minefield!

Really? Are You Sure?

Crazy, Music, Spice Girls, Uncategorized

Spice Girls 

Tickets for the Spice Girls concert in London, on 15th December, have sold out in 38 seconds this morning. Apparently, over 1 million people pre-registered for the tickets and new London dates have already been added to the bill. I simply don’t understand! Who are all these fans?!

In other Spice news (in case there are actually some fans out there), rock-god Bono is set to write a track for the girls, which will appear on their greatest hits album, due to be released before their tour commences.

Pete Doherty: Prize Idiot, Lucky Idiot

Crazy, Music, They tried to make me go to rehab

Apparently, Pete Doherty ISN’T in jail. Yeah, who knew?! The number of times this man gets arrested on drug offences, you would’ve thought that at some point he might have received a sentence and be in some prison cell somewhere.

Well, that’s not the case…until this week! Ha ha! Or was it? Appearing in court at the beginning of August, on earlier offences, the judge warned him to kick his drug habit or face jail. But alas, early on Monday morning, after a somewhat shambolic set at the V Festival, Doherty was arrested again in East London, thereby breaching his bail conidtions.

So what do you think happens next? What do you reckon his punishment is? 1) He gets thrown into jail, never to be allowed out again? 2) Gets ordered to rehab forever and ever? 3) Gets forced to listen to one of his own records 4) Is made to read all the incredibly boring coverage of his and Kate Moss’s relationship?

Nope. It’s 5) Gets let off the hook. His case gets thrown out on a technicality – that he wasn’t presented before a judge within 24 hours of Monday’s arrest. Great.

Keira’s advice: become a stockbroker!

Crazy, Fashion, Film, Magazines

Keira Knightley 

Keira Knightley has slammed those seeking to be famous and given them an alternative career possibility instead: to go and work on the stock market. Err, okay. She also criticises those who concentrate too much on her looks. She says:

“Okay, I’m on the cover of a magazine but somebody else does the hair, and the make-up, and airbrushes me. It’s not me, it’s something other people have created.”

Too true! Look at some of the other examples on this blog – SJP, Christina Aguilera, Gwyneth Paltrow…sometimes these magazines turn their cover stars into someone else entirely!

Unless…is this a secret cry for help from Keira? Is there something underhand going on in the magazine industry? Perhaps all these fashion mags are undergoing some vast cloning experiment…and that’s why those on the cover always look a bit “odd”. Hmmm.

Or maybe Keira Knightley is just stunningly beautiful, and the magazines try and perfect her even more. Yeah, whatever. I like my “experiment” theory better.